Who Stole the Strawberries?

It has come to my attention there are those who think by a careful reading of these transmissions that I don’t like the president.

It’s true that I am sick and tired of seeing the president, the first con man, who for the last eight months has been the major story on my cable news channels. It has taken a terrible natural disaster like Houston to remind me of what I had been missing in the way of other news.

And it’s not because Donald Trump is a phony, a fraud. His promises are as worthless as a degree from Trump University. Dishonesty is Donald Trump’s hallmark. He’s playing members of the American public for suckers, not to mention his other virtues such as bullying, the greed, the showing off, the misogyny, and the absurd third grade theatrics.

Not that there’s anything wrong with saying those things, as Mitt Romney warned during the campaign. That was Mister Republican’s opinion; it’s a free country.

No, I’m ashamed of myself because not only do I agree with Mister Republican, but also the man is the president of the United States! Where is my respect for the American people who picked him, even if it was a minority decision, and never should have happened if it wasn’t for the extra three million illegal votes for Horrible Hillary?

I have two problems with the president on TV: His voice and appearance

Some people can’t stand looking at him; others hearing him.

I’m in a third category, both his voice and appearance make me nauseous.

And those little hands! You can tell a lot about a man with little hands. It means he has a limited ability to express himself.

I especially can’t stand the lying anymore. When will he realize he won the election already? Never?

I can’t stand his family, either. I’m seeing more of them on TV than my own family off TV.

As I’ve said before, they remind me of the Snopes family of Faulkner’s fictional Yokanapathawpa County, Mississippi infamy. Every time there was a mysterious barn burning or courthouse trial chicanery a member of the insidious Snopes clan would show up in the darkest novels.

Well now that I’ve gotten all that off my chest, I must say what really worries me is the president’s health.

Have you noticed his golden locks, the signature of the administration, are turning white in the back? Is he running out of the miracle henna that kept it blonde so long? Most people don’t realize his hair is two feet long. He has the most elaborate comb-over since Rudy Giuliani, who has dropped the pretense and now has the Benjamin Franklin bald look.

The multi-Congressional and Counselor Mueller investigations over “that Russian thing” are making the president look like Cmdr. Phillip Francis Queeg, as played by Humphrey Bogart, in the great 1954 Stanley Kramer film “The Caine Mutiny.” As the president sweats his way through press conferences, you can almost hear the little steel balls clicking in his other hand. With all the chaos in the Oval Office, I wouldn’t be surprised if he is investigating the missing strawberries.

But so what if the president looks like an escapee from a psychiatric ward today? What really embarrasses me as an American is we seemed to have elected a man who doesn’t know how to govern.

One example. Since taking taking office, by the end of July, there were still 120 vacancies on the Federal bench. That is because he has failed to submit applications. Outside of the one guy on the Supreme Court, he thinks he has done it all. There is more to the job, something every other president has done.

One of the perks of being elected president is you get to start the game of judicial rotation. Every seven years, Federal judges rotate out of the job and go into private practice where they can make their million. Not since Franklin Pierce, who can be forgiven because of his drinking problems, have we had such a weak performance.

All our guy wants to really do is fire people and get angry on Twitter. I worry that the way things are going he will come down with repetitive finger syndrome, and be forced to go on the 60-Day DL.

I tell you, I’m sick and tired of all his fights reported at great length on my cable news. If I want to see good fights on TV, I tune into “All in the Family “ reruns and catch Archie Bunker and his socialist son-in-law having some really good ones.

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Marvin Kitman
September 3, 2017