Dear Trumponicles fans,
Good news. The missing final Articles of Impeachment #7 has turned up.
—The Pundit-in-Chief
Mr. President, Take The 25th
Every loyal patriotic American should be worried about the president’s state of mind. Ever since the socialists in the House began trying to impeach him, he has been acting very strange. Sources close to the White House have reported he is deeply depressed. The outrageous hoax of a scam impeachment thing by Crazy Nancy and her lieutenant crazies has gotten to him.
What a shame.
He was already first in paying off porn stars, first in withholding tax returns, first in running a crooked charitable foundation, first in profiting from his real estate business while in office, and now he could be third in impeachment!
Even though he has done more for venality in office than any president since Ulysses S. Grant, the president is understandably bummed out by the fact that history books will duly note he was impeached, marring the otherwise greatest administration of all time, as he refers to his time as POTUS.
If the president was smart —don’t laugh; this is a hypothetical, as they say in law school — he would have done himself a favor by taking the 25th!
Section Four of the 25th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution states: “Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments [i.e., his Cabinet] or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President.”
A lot of evidence exists that the president qualified for replacement under the 25th. For example, his firing off 128 tweets on a single day (11/13/19) when nothing was happening!
His foreign policy decisions, such as abandoning our friends the Kurds in the fight against the Islamic terrorists, as he explained, “ because they weren’t with us at Normandy” — that was insane.
His pro-Putin Russian policy was also scary. Opening the door for his pals to replace us in Syria and take control of the oil was nuts. Keeping Putin out of Mess-o’-potamia was more important than a 100- floor tower in Moscow.
After he dumped the Iranian nuke agreement, he had no idea how to deal with the Iranians, whose foreign policy is blowing up New York City.
Then there was the time he fired Gen. Jim Mattis, calling the man who was widely considered to be one of the smartest officers ever to sit in the Pentagon, the dumbest general he ever knew.
Now that he is so depressed with the potential impeachment blot on his record, he could do something really stupid. The fact is our president doesn’t think like a normal person. The problem with not needing intelligence briefings or smart advisers in the decision-making process, and going by your gut, is that a bad lunch —or some gas —won’t do.
As the The Independent, not one of your favorite fake news rags, Mister President, noted: “Trump’s mental state is deteriorating dangerously due to impeachment with potentially ‘catastrophic outcomes’, psychiatrists urgently warn Congress.”
Who knows what crazy thing he will do next that might start another war?
The beauty part of taking the 25th, sir, it would have enabled you to avoid the disgrace of impeachment, and, more importantly, tarnishing the Trump brand. Your cronies in Congress could simply find that you have achieved your goal of making America great again and are taking some well-deserved time off.
So as not to alarm the people, the president’s press secretary-in- charge-of-lying could announce that our president is “overworked” (surely no disgrace for a hard-charging business genius like Donald Trump) and will be taking yet another long vacation at his old Florida home, where from the porch at Mar-a-Lago he can see the Southern border. He’ll be able to use lots of free time to work on his orange tan, play some golf and keep in touch with his 68 million followers on Twitter. And with Vice President Pence running the show, the nation will be so shocked that it will forget all about Trump. Then sharp as a tack, he could return to the 2020 election wars and run as the first president in history to take the 25th!
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Marvin Kitman,
Jan. 2, 2020