IS HE A COMMUNIST—OR JUST AN INNOCENT DUPE TAKING ORDERS FROM MOSCOW?

Fellow Republicans, Real Americans Who Want the Wall, Comrades,

It’s not nice suggesting anybody is a fellow traveller, a party pink, a commie rat, an un-American subversive by any name. It’s so 1950’s. That used to be something our Republican party was very good at the last time we had a Red Scare, and still uses the technique in labeling a left-leaning Nancy Pelosi progressive or the even scarier “Liberal.”

I was reminded of the persuasive power of suggestion while listening to “The Jeanine Pirro Show” the other night (1/11/19) on Fox News, the second most reliable source of information, next to the Congressional Record.

“Are you now or have you ever worked for Russia, Mr. President,” asked Judge Pirro, the anchor and Boswell, who keeps me up to date on the president’s thinking, when I am not listening to my second favorite party organ, “Fox & Friends” in the morning.

“I think it’s the most insulting thing I’ve ever been asked,“ POTUS responded, without answering the question.

Why was that? Was it too obvious, like asking in a citizenship test, “What was the color of George Washington’s white horse?” How insulting can you get?

What would conceivably make Judge Pirro rhetorically question the president’s loyalty by asking such a hypothetical question, anyway? Could it have been the failing New York (All the fake news that’s fit to print) Times had been reporting that morning “those losers at the FBI,” as the president referred to our most respected civilian investigative arm of the government, were trying to “frame him” with that Russian thing again?

Judge Pirro was not unhappy with the president’s non-response. The Westchester Torquemada, who also serves as a legal analyst for Fox, and calls finding fault with the president a mental health problem, what she terms “Trump Derangement Syndrome.” In regards to Trump’s possible collusion with Putin, she argued earlier on “Fox & Friends,” that other safe house of journalism. “I mean come on, snap out of it everybody, the guy is doing what he’s supposed to be doing and that is protecting us.”

As a Registered Republican who has been having fits of derangement— I self-diagnosed myself as having come down with a serious case of TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) at the Republican presidential primary debates of 2016— I begin to think, nyet, maybe that wasn’t such a trick question from Madam Judge, after all.

What if our President of Some of the People All the Time was working for another country, to choose one at random, say, Russia, when he should have been working on his golf game or figuring out other ways to make a mockery of the emolument clause so he can profit from public service and ensure his kids will not fall below the poverty level after his second term?

A non-answer, it seemed, was the equivalent of President Plump “Taking the Fifth,” as all those potential subversives did when weaseling out of “Are you now, or were you ever…” questions at HUAC hearings. In one of his commentaries on the Bill of Rights part of the Constitution, a document he has sworn to uphold and plans to read some day, POTUS explained, in effect, “If they are not guilty, why are they afraid to answer?”

Before I go on, I should point out that I am a Republican Marxist, subscribing to the Groucho Theory: “Whaddya gonna believe, me or your own eyes?”

What has the president done for his other employer lately in the way of suspicious activity? Let’s look at his employment record.

I’d give him A-plus on this wall thing.

Shutting down a capitalist government is high priority stuff, a wild and crazy dream, dating back to Karl Marx, who predicted in “Das Kapital” (aka “Capital. Critique of Political Economy”) capitalism would soon be withering away. That was in 1867.

It was something Sacco & Vanzetti couldn’t do. Eugene V. Debs… Harry Bridges and the International Longshoremen’s Union… Norman Thomas… Owen Lattimore… Alger Hiss and all those Reds in the State Department who lost China that Uncle Joe McCarthy warned us about… Henry A. Wallace… Pete Seeger and The Weavers… The Hollywood Ten who were making subversive movies like “Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo” and “Pride of the Yankees”… Corliss Lamont… The Rosenbergs… Eugene McCarthy… Jimmy Wechsler and other editorialists in Commie rags like Dolly Schiff’s New York Post and Marshall Field’s PM … I.F. Stone and his News Letter… Walt Kelly and “Pogo”… Paul Robeson…the hundreds of soap opera bit actors, writers and wardrobe assistants who became unemployable after making the Red Channel blacklist… Herblock… Woody Guthrie and folk singers in general…

Not even Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and all those other potential threats to American democracy enshrined in J. Edgar Hoover’s secret files, filled with evidence, some of it true (have you ever requested your file, available under the Freedom of Information Act?), none of those people were able to shut down the government for a single day.

A single day of withering away would be an achievement worthy of the Hero of the Soviet Union, a gold star medal awarded for heroic feats in service to the Soviet Union, bestowed on only 44 foreign citizens since1934.

But Comrade Plump has shut down the government over the wall thing for close to a month! Even Trumpskaya economists are claiming the once booming economy is starting to wither away. Holy Leon Trotsky!

It would have been enough that he had managed to turn our Republican Party into one of those communist- front organizations on the Attorney General’s List of Subversive Organizations, required under the Smith Act. The Grand Old Party, riddled with cowards afraid of incurring the president’s snarky nicknames, has replaced CPUSA (Communist Party of the United States of America) as the party whose titular leader has never said a bad word against Russia.

I have a list here of other achievements which make Agent Orange, as his code name might read in the Kremlin files, a leading candidate for the 2018 Apparatchik of the Year trophy, which I will be glad to supply on subpoena to the new improved House Un-American Activities Committee.

Suffice it to say here, Commissar Stalin would be very satisfied with how the Make Russia Great Again campaign is progressing under the leadership of its man in Washington.

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Marvin Kitman,
Jan. 16, 2019