IS HE TOO FAT TO MAKE REAL ESTATE DEALS WITH OUR ENEMIES IN MOSCOW, TEAR GAS WOMEN AND CHILDREN AND OTHER POTENTIAL FUTURE CITIZENS AT THE BORDER, CHEAT HIS OWN GOVERNMENT ON TAXES, BE IN VIOLATION OF THE CONSTITUTION AND LAWS OF THE LAND HE HAS SWORN TO UPHOLD, WHILE FIGHTING A TRADE WAR AND RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT AT THE SAME TIME HE IS ALREADY PRESIDENT?
The correct short answer is da! Спасибо! spah-SEE-bah.
I ask you, do you realize that our current president is the fattest president since William Howard Taft? They also had golf in common. Taft was the first golfing president.
This is not to imply that our POTUS is another William Howard Taft. He was known for his geniality and sense of humor. As the American governor of the Philippines in 1901, he sent a telegram to Elihu Root (then Secretary of War) boasting that he had just ridden 25 miles into the jungle and back on horseback. Root cabled back: “How is the horse?” Taft got a good laugh. And when after he was president Yale offered him the Kent Chair of Constitutional Law, Taft wrote back that in his case it would have to be the sofa of law.
Our President Plump, as he is being called by authoritative weight-watchers, probably will not be offered any chairs in constitutional law, or any other chair, except the electric chair, or sofa, at a George Soros institution of higher learning. And he is never seen laughing, except while encouraging his followers to rough up a protester at campaign rallies.
With all due respect, the president is what we used to call before political correctness, not weight-challenged, but fat.
Exactly what he weighs is an official state secret, much like his tax returns. It remains one of the two most closely guarded secrets, the other being whether he colluded with the Rooskies in 2016.
Only his tailor knows what is doing in the et pods excessif department, as the French put it. But my sources tell me he keeps needing to buy new suits. At last count, he has approximately 100, costing about $200 each, and all black. So the people won’t notice any change in profile.
Astute weight-watchers notice he hasn’t been able to button a jacket or a coat since Inauguration.
My sources estimate a gain of nine pounds in the first quarter, 2017. Do the math! That means he has put on 36 pounds in Year One, if that is his game plan. Fortunately, the White House will be able to deal with the situation. They can just bring down the William Howard Taft bathtub from the attic.
Obesity is a national public health crisis, and the president may be part of the problem.
One of the major causes of obesity is eating. Nutrition experts tell you that over-eating is especially problematic.
When the gastronomic history of the presidency is writ, few could match number 45 in balanced diet.
His four food groups, my sources say:
1. McDonald’s; 2. McDonald’s; 3. McDonald’s, 4. McDonald’s.
He is not Wendy’s-averse, for variety, and still has room for an occasional Domino’s pizza, delivered to the plane.
His doctors are loath to cut out the fast food; that would be tantamount to an assassination attempt.
Young people wanting to grow up to be president follow a sitting chief executive as a role model, a tradition that began with George Washington.
It’s bad enough that the young are learning how to lie, and distrust facts and truth, and everything they read in the so-called fake news media from this president. Can you imagine what they would make of learning that Air Force One’s freezers are totally loaded with McDonald’s food-to-go, should the POTUS want a snack?
Tales of the gourmet president’s dining-out experience regale us. At one recent dinner at the 21 Club, I’m told, the president ordered meatloaf, and picked at it.
Bob Woodward reports in his fake news bible (“Fear: Trump in the White House”) “the president thinks he’s in great physical shape.” He attributes that to all the walking to the golf carts, and his morning setting up exercises of opening up his Twitter feed.
His body language, however, says: a slug, a lazy fat slob, wolfing down too many Macs.
The president is said to be sensitive about his physical appearance, especially the “F” word.
Now I’m not a paid political consultant, but potential candidates might use the president’s favorite weapon –dreaming up nicknames that stick, the evolutionary lesson learned in the 2016 Republican Debates. They might consider “Tubby,” “Porky,” “Two Ton” and the ever-popular “Fatso,” if there is a Republican brave enough to challenge the Incredible Bulk in 2020!
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Marvin Kitman,
Dec. 2, 2018