The Last Days of the Republican Party
DUMP TRUMP PART III
Creative Commons Licensed Image "Big Orange Zombie Eating Brains" by Donkey Hotey. Some rights reserved.
1.
Republicans considering reneging on a commitment to vote for the presumptive nominee (aka Trump) at the convention, according to state law, no longer need to worry about going to jail.
In a 15- page decision on a suit brought by a delegate from Virginia, a federal court ruled the state law unconstitutional. Delegates from Virginia and 15 other states with similar repressive laws are now free to vote their conscience; such as they might be after a life in politics.
We of the “Free the 1542” movement (named after the number of delegates who will be doing their unconstitutional duty in Cleveland next week) salute the courage of Carroll Boston Correll Jr., who brought the class action suit in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia, Richmond Division. Thanks to Correll Jr., the emancipation proclamation has unshackled the delegates, now able to exercise the God-given right to change their minds.
What made delegate Correll Jr. take such a risky political step as going to the law? He couldn’t sleep at night, thinking of being one of those responsible for starting the Caligula of American politics on the crooked road to ruining the empire?
Was it what is laughingly known in politics as a matter of principle?
Or something else?
2.
I have studied what some starry-eyed idealists might call corruption. I call it enlightened self-interest, further enhanced by the Supreme Court decision (Citizens United) telling us that corporations are people, just like the rest of us.
In these epistles, I have been urging the corporate fat cats working to undermine the coronation of Emperor Caligula to play a more direct active role. What I’m talking about could be called “economic generosity.” Instead of funding SuperPAC TV commercials, they should be explaining the situation directly to delegates in a language they can understand. I had recommended instituting education programs, sort of tutorials in a “Take a Delegate to Lunch” initiative, listed on expense accounts as “public service,” should there be a later investigation of irregularities.
With all due respect, I am not implying this Mexican jumping bean of a delegate, Correll Jr., decided to untack himself from his nailed down seat for money. There are other ways to be compensated for the hard work of wrestling with your conscience.
“Candy is dandy,” opined Ogden Nash in the Prohibition era of influencing minds, “ but likker is quicker.”
Today it could be a new Cadillac sitting in the driveway when you get home from Cleveland.
Tickets to “ Hamilton.”
Frequent flier miles on the Trumpochopper.
Winter vacations at Mar-del-Largo.
And a player to be named later.
As a student of the changing of men’s minds, I’m still confident the best is money, of which the fat cats have plenty.
Money is a drug that should be on the government’s list of controlled substances. Under its influence, people have been known to do strange and bizarre things, like changing a mind. For those who have the courage of their lack of convictions, it can be abused easily.
The idea of compensating delegates for the work involved in changing of a mind is not novel. I don’t think the program has been used in earnest since 1876. Republican Rutherford B. Hayes, as you may recall, was losing to Democrat Samuel J. Tilden by one million or so popular votes, when miraculously delegates from three states changed their minds in the Electoral College.
I’m not questioning any delegate’s patriotism or love of country, but only 306 emancipated need follow in the hallowed footsteps of delegate Correll Jr. of Virginia for whatever reason, for a democratic contested convention. A big problem is delegates’ fear of selling themselves short.
3.
Fortunately, my second proposal (see “Dump Trump Part II, accessible @ marvinkitman.com) called for the establishment of a selling out exchange. Even though it may seem to have an Obamacare element, it’s used in a way that really matters.
As I argued, it would be a public service, a place where politicians of all parties could go to observe the market place. Like reading the stock market pages, or the tickers on the bottom of TV screen on CNBC, it would be useful in determining what a vote was worth on any given day.
The base rate is determined by an old railroad principle: whatever the traffic will bear.
Prices go up and down, depending on prevailing market conditions. For example, is it too late or too early to join the Dump Trump exodus, and other such pitfalls? For further details, see me after class.
4.
At any rate, this is how it will all go down:
A rumor so and so, a newly liberated delegate from one of the slave states, has joined the coalition of the unwilling, a romantic unwilling to rubber stamp the crowning of a Caligula unfit for the highest office in the land.
“What did he get” is the question that will be asked. Fellow delegates could consult the latest prices on the selling out exchange before determining their own behavior, thus bringing order to the chaos of the free market out there today.
Now I realize all of this may sound like pie in the sky nonsense, a fantasy. But it only takes 306 unshackled free delegates to throw the convention open to other more suitable candidates who might yet save the Republican Party from going the way of the Whigs.
And how will Donaldini take this startling turn of events as it goes from the aspirational to the achievable?
He’ll understand. It’s just business.
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Marvin Kitman
July 13, 2016