TRUMP v. HILLARY
Here he comes, Mister Next American President…
All decked out to kill in Trump tie, Trump dress shirt, Trump suit, Trump cuff links, Trump eyeglasses…
Fresh from the Trump Hotel green room, accessorized with Trump pens, Trump lamps, Trump mirrors, Trump salad bowls, Trump body soap, and Trump teddy bears for good luck…
Trump, the man who is making China great again! The King of Atlantic City casino bankruptcies! The man who is undefeated in politics! The man who would be president in his first race!
It would sound even more inspiring if sung by Bert Parks (R.I.P.) as the candidate goes down the runway for the big debate.
Inquiring minds want to know, is his little American flag pin on the lapel made in China, where they make such great lapel pins?
In the other corner for Day One of the Debate of the Century, wearing her made in America executive pants suit, will be His Unworthy Opponent, the one person who stands in the way of the coronation of Emperor Donny the First, representing the hallowed Clinton Dynasty, the one and only Crooked Hillary. I would still like to see her birth certificate to determine if “Crooked” is her birth name, justification enough for it’s being so widely broadcast.
Not since Douglas v. Lincoln in 1858 has there been such an important debate in the history of American politics, judging by the excitement the debate is causing in the world of cable news networks. And they were not up against “Monday Night Football”!
The issue for that one was only slavery, and it lasted seven days (from August to October in Illinois). This barn burner starts Monday night at 9 on MSNBC, lasts three nights, and settles the issue of who is the most dishonest and the biggest liar of the century?
Here is how I see the two candidates lining up for the kick off:
DJT is not yet in my portrait Gallery of Great Presidents, though he is a viable candidate for my Rogue’s Gallery.
His Hairsprayness is a symbol of American optimism. He proves how far you can get by cheating working people who build your castles, and lying about how rich you are even though you refuse to show your income tax records.
He is ready to take a leap into the future, boldly going where no presidential candidate has gone before, a jump he is making without a parachute.
You’ve got to admire his lack of convictions, his courage in promising t o fix everything that is wrong by himself alone. And we should all not worry. He will get to those walls when he gets to those walls. That’s what so great about him.
His adversary, C. Hillary reminds me of an old-fashioned inspirational beloved high school teacher, chalking up her wonkish talking points on a blackboard, while her Republican foe is the clown in the classroom, getting his classmates to laugh while he’s stealing the eraser behind her back.
She is cool as a cucumber. She knows the score. She’s been around the block. She knows where the land mines are planted, even though she occasionally steps on them (Libya, Syria). She is Ms. Competence; just don’t let her get near one of the 11 private mobile devices she uses to solve the world’s problems.
Mister Make China Great Again will be entering the Hofstra ballroom with his jacket pockets filled with lines of attack, armed by Roger Ailes, TV debatemeister. When Fox News was a gleam in the eye of great American press lord, Sir Rupert, Ailes was in the business of turning incompetent debaters into Demosthenes of the airwaves.
With Ailes calling the shots, Hillary doesn’t even need to show up Monday night. Trump will wipe the floor with her, unless he shoots himself in the mouth.
Can Ailes control this loaded gun? Can his boy prove he has the temperament and character to be president? “I have great temperament and character,” explained one expert who should know (Trump).
I have less respect for Hillary’s brain trust. They have been really dumb so far in figuring out how to end that silly email controversy, and other mistrust issues invented in the first Clinton Dynasty years.
The basic Clinton strategy, I predict, will be to try to make Trump look like the fool, a nincompoop, a total jerk. It’s not a winning strategy.
True, he has a certain lack of knowledge about domestic and foreign policies. His ignorance is what the people like about him. They don’t know anything about those subjects, either.
The Clinton geniuses will try to make Trump look like the bull in the china shop. He doesn’t care how many teapots he breaks, shooting from his lip.
Let Iran or China give us the slightest provocation, he will nuke them.
His people like hot heads. What do they have to lose if the world blows up over a minor matter? Life already sucks.
In short, I’m expecting Trump to win the first debate.
If he doesn’t more than live up to my expectations, he has a back-up plan. He’s already said the debates are rigged. Lester Holt, the moderator Monday night, should bench himself because he’s a Democrat. It doesn’t matter to the liar-in-chief that Holt is a Registered Republican.
So if you’re planning to watch “Monday Night Football,” don’t despair. It won’t be Lincoln v. Douglas.
BTW, in a best of seven, Lincoln won the debates, but the Democrats in Illinois swept the state legislature elections, and the legislators re-elected Douglas.
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Marvin Kitman
Sept. 23, 2016