A Note From the Publisher, Editor, Political Fifth Columnist
I owe my readers an apology. A couple of dispatches ago from the war zone that is Republican politics, I accused Donald (I’m very very very rich) Trump of being a mole. Por favor, my sources now tell me, he is not a mole, but a rat.
I was wrong to say he had been embedded in the 2016 race by Democratic Party union plumbers to convince voters the real issue is about El Donald becoming the next president.
My limited imagination precluded me from truly understanding or appreciate Senor Donald. I was getting closer with each hostile snide essay, I’ve been told, but kept missing it.
Trump, an admitted friend of Putin, is actually a communist agent. He is trying to undermine this country’s electoral process by making a farce of the presidential nominations, and prove that democracy is withering away.
As my reliably informed source, who I will call Sore Throat (he is a confirmed e-cigarette addict), explained, “ Cough Cough…Trump supporters are mostly Jewish internationalist bankers, whose lineage goes back to Russia, the Pale of Settlement, and Poland.
He employs vast numbers of very poor people, nearly all black and brown.
He an Alger Hiss were both in New York in the 1960’s.
For a while it seemed the plot was failing. He was not getting enough face time on the nightly news. His supporters were even considering forming a PAC to keep him the race. The media was torturing their man. “It was awful,” the source recalled.
But then Rush Limbaugh came to the rescue. He began taking Trump seriously; duping people into thinking he was more than a bad political joke. As Lenin said, “the masses are asses.” Or maybe it was Trotsky.
What should be further alarming is that the communist plot is making such progress. The latest polls indicate the secret candidate of the left progressive socialists indicate a double-digit lead over Jeb (I’m number Three) Bush. A Trump transition team is already at work.
In the first hundred days of the first Trump administration, the plans include turning the White House into a condo hotel resort complex with the usual bars, restaurants, spas, all done with other people’s money. My sources say the most expensive condo would be the First Family’s quarters. The portico would become a bar. The rose garden would be an outdoor café in the summer. The oval office could be the main room of a private club, while the cabinet room could be rented out as a conference center. Lincoln’s bedroom and other famous rooms could be the high-end hotel suites. Each wing could be a multi-story mall with glass elevators. The main lawn could become a small golf course surrounding a fountain that spews red, white and blue streams of water. The icing on the cake would be huge brass letters facing Pennsylvania Avenue, bearing the legend TRUMP HOUSE.
The beauty part is all of this would be licensed to the country, with ex- Pres. Trump collecting licenses fees to fund his retirement after his second administration.
The transition team is already vetting cabinet posts. To save money, the President pro tem has offered to serve as his own Secretary of State, since he knows so much about foreign affairs.
The first item on the agenda will be settling border differences with Mexico. Going to war with our neighbor to the south over immigration has an upside, since we have really not won a war since taking on Grenada in the Regan administration.
In retaliation, Mexico might bring up the Mexican-American War of 1847, which even Abraham Lincoln deplored. Citing the right of return, Mexico could go to the UN and demand Texas back. Which is not necessarily a bad thing.
Watch this space for further breaking news about the Trumpismo Revolution, direct from Sore Throat, whose secret phone calls from an unmarked phone booth I recognize from the sound of a hacking cough.
August 4, 2015