This is the second in a series on Trumpismo, a revolutionary new form of politics, where a candidate runs on personality, not issues. First in the owning of golf courses, first in building towers without architectural significance, first in the number of bankruptcies and still able to consider himself eligible to ruin a nation’s economy, first in firing people on TV, the much maligned Donald Trump believes he has a winning personality.
Before I go on I want to want to apologize for a contribution to the malignment. In the first episode, I seemed to imply that candidate Trump is wearing a toupee. This is unfair to the candidate’s hair dressing staff, as well as marring The Marvin Kitman Show’s reputation for accuracy.
The candidate does not wear a hairpiece. He has a fringe of very long hair, like Ben Franklin. It is lovingly cajoodled and sprayed to stay in place every day. According to my usually reliably informed sources, he spends two hours in the chair on days when he will be on camera. On other days he wears a baseball cap.
The Samson of American politics, he believes his hair is the symbol of his power, his strength that will overcome all imagined inadequacies. If elected president, the question arises: would there be a gentlemen’s agreement among the press not to show him either without his hair done or without a baseball cap to cover up the unruly nature of his mop. Sort of like nobody showing FDR in his wheel chair or mentioning JFK visiting girlfriends in the middle of the workday.
The Republican establishment is agonizing over what to do with Donald Trump, who is rising so rapidly in the polls he is making the elders reach for their oxygen masks and air sickness bags. They fear if thwarted, he would start his own party, thereby dooming the official choice of the power brokers in the smoke filled backrooms, as Ross Perot killed them in 1992.
What the country needs is a new political party. Not a third party. We already have the Tea Party. Worse, they always fail.
What the country needs is a fourth party. Towards this goal, I had proposed the America Fourth Party. To appeal to a large body of voters who feel under represented by existing parties, as previously explained, I’d call it the American Idiot Party (AIP).
The AIP would be the party for those angry citizens who are sick of both the socialism of the Democrats and the old fartism of the Republican Party. It would be the voice of the folks who have grown tired of the objectivity of Fox cable news. Too fair and balanced. Our demographic studies show that potential AIP voters are the people who get all their political news by listening to Rush Limbaugh on the radio, and for balance, Sean Hannity.
It would be a party that stands four square for the verities, a Party that recognizes we have a president who is a Muslim who wasn’t born in this country; a party that is against that hoax, climate change; a party that is for patriotism, God, guns and grit, Christmas, good olde time marital status, and lower taxes for the rich.
The AIP would appeal to a hitherto overlooked minority. It would bring this forgotten voting bloc out of the shadows.
They want a candidate who knows how to use their favorite medium of information, TV reality shows, who looks like a million bucks, even if he is always on the verge of bankruptcy.
They tend to vote emotionally. The typical AIP voter would choose a candidate based on his personality (never hers), rather than the old lame idea of issues. They want a candidate who would reduce the size of government, while increasing spending on the military, while balancing the budget. How would we do this? As political scientist Rich Little suggested during the first Reagan administration, by having two sets of books.
They want a candidate who would build a wall across the border with Mexico that would stop our country from being invaded by drug dealers, rapists and chefs introducing un-American fusion cuisine. They want a candidate who doesn’t mind insulting a friendly power with which the country shares a 1,000-mile plus border. So what if we risk disrupting friendly relations with a nation vital to US interest that could argue for the right to return after the Mexican-American War of 1847.
These are the voters who in the past have been forced to settle for mainstream candidates who are not bona fide idiots, but at best, only half wits, such luminaries as Cruz, Carson or Scott Walker. With the AIP, they would have a true choice, which is the American way.
The AIP, of course, would hold a national convention and nominate candidates for Prez and Veep. It would also hold state conventions, nominate Guvs, Congressional people, and so forth.
The beauty part of the 2016 campaign is one candidate already stands out as the standard bearer of the AIP. And that man is Donald Trump.
For Vice President the party might turn to a well- qualified former governor who could see Russia from her front porch, Sarah Palin, who was such an idiot in the 2012 campaign. A Trump-Palin ticket would make the GOP hierarchy’s hair really stand up.
I’d better stop what is sounding more and more like campaign rhetoric before it ruins my reputation for keeping an open mind in the campaign, which only has 479 more days to go until the nominating convention.
July 14, 2015