Kitman’s Inaugural Homily

Pinocchio Trump

Just about everybody I know seems to be involved in some kind of protest in honor of the inaugural of “president” Trump. My friends are taking busses to Washington for the million person march, standing on street corners holding up signs, firing off emails to energize the 63% already in the disapproval ranks even before the game starts. Some of those voting “nyet” to the new administration’s love affair with comrade Putin are even demonstrating the ultimate disapproval by not watching the inauguration on TV.

I am taking a more moderate approach.

I may be watching the Inaugural Address on TV tomorrow, if there is nothing else on, but I won’t be listening to a word he says.

You’ve heard of sit-ins? I will be conducting a lie-in.

Citizens have been known to take speeches by politicians with a grain of salt. In the case of the man we “elected” this time, a whole salt mine in Siberia wouldn’t be adequate for establishing his credence in my house.

Without being privy to an advance look at the Inaugural Address text, a priori I still do not believe a word that comes out of that man’s mouth.

And why should I?

He lied to us about the election being rigged, although he got the aggrieved party wrong.

He lied to us about draining the swamp, and filled it with fresh Goldman Sachs bodies.

He lied to us about being a friend of the working man and middle class, surrounding himself with a cabinet of billionaires, and then, for diversity, a few millionaires.

He lied to us about building a wall the Mexicans will pay for.

I’m not going to regale you with a litany of Trump’s Top 40 Best Lies. Suffice it to say, he’s a world-class liar. He could even beat the greatest Communist liars of all time, the tovariches who came up with the five year plan to end Soviet hunger, which led to the Great Famine of 1932-3, with millions of deaths in the grain- producing areas of the USSR.

I first began being impressed with our man as a liar during the Birther Crisis he helped create about the president’s legitimacy. He swore on a stack of real estate development prospectus that Obama wasn’t born in the USA, demanding, and still not believing, after seeing the birth certificate. That took awesome chutzpah.

The truth is our “president” is a born liar. It’s in his DNA. He lies like a rug— not referring to what some scholars believe is that mop on top of his brain.

He lied during the primary.

He lied during the campaign.

He lied by repeating his lies in the post- election victory concert tour, like some kind of rock star.

So why should he stop now?

Credit where credit is due. His achievement is not the ability to fire off lies faster than a Kalashnikov in his 15- second sound bites, but making the people believe that it’s okay to lie.

Forget about what our mothers and fathers told us about honesty being the best policy, feeding us all that hogwash about George Washington never telling a lie. Trump would have “killed,” as they say in showbiz,” the general in a “To Tell the Truth” lie-off.

The Liar-in-Chief ‘s even more impressive accomplishment is making the folks believe that the presentation of evidence that a lie is not the truth by the crooked media fact- checkers itself is prove that the lie is true.

I better stop this analysis before I start to cry.

I realize I may be missing some fresh lies about how Comrade Donald will be making America great again by lying by keeping myself sequestered in the lie-free zone of my screening room, as I call the old TV den. I can wait for tomorrow’s early morning summary on his Twitter account, the Congressional Record of the Trump Years (“All the lies that are fit to print.”)

Besides shutting my ears as Trump and His Merry Gang begin the process of robbing us blind, destroying democracy, as we know it, and making us the biggest Third World nation—what else can be done?

Well, I have already vowed not to drive down Fifth Avenue in Manhattan—- the street which houses the log cabin Trump will live in while the original White House is being torn down and replaced by the Trump Historic Hotel & Miniature Golf Course—-until 2020, or whenever the new “president” is impeached, tried for treason, or does the Nixon resignation bit when the heat in the kitchen gets too hot.

For those readers who want substance in a homily, the new President’s Inaugural Address is 741 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022.


Marvin Kitman
Jan. 19, 2017

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789”, HarperCollins, and in paperback, Grove Press, available at Amazon and quality book-sellers. His other books include “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman, PFC (Ret.). Google them.