No More Mister Nice Guy

Donald Trump - Caricature by Donkey Hotey

I was too kind in Volume One of these “Trumponicles,” episodes I-XXXII.

True, I gave the impression he was a total ignoramus, a moron, imbecile, idiot, or all of the above, for want of a better word.

I also would have called him a madman, if it didn’t defame all madmen.

True, I campaigned to have him declared a public health emergency, a threat to national security. His lying was weakening the moral fiber of the nation. This truth thing, he seemed to be saying to young people, is over-rated. Kids wanting to grow up to be president some day need to learn how to lie like the president. Honesty is not the best policy, whatever our mothers told us.

True, he has undermined the traditional meaning of facts. Our young people are being taught to examine a truth: is it true news or fake news? Sieg heil mein Josef Goebbels!

The problem is he didn’t seem to know how to be presidential, how to govern.

That’s understandable. He had no idea he would ever be in this fix. He still can’t believe he won the election, no less that he hasn’t been impeached or run out of the swamp on a rail. After all, he was just another modest real estate development gonif when lighting struck.

If anything it was the floundering fathers fault. They never dreamed a minority of the people or the Electoral College would pick as chief executive a politico-biological sport, a totally inexperienced and unqualified citizen with no moral character.

There now ought to be courses given in the high schools and colleges educating ordinary citizens on the duties of acting presidential. For example, they should know on Armistice Day a president is required to visit gravesites of our fallen heroes in earlier wars. They should know to go to Arlington Cemetery, as our sitting president neglected to do two years in a row, the excuse this time being he had more important work to do, such as writing Twitter bulletins.

True, he’s only been in office two years. There is a learning curve, especially steep for a man who thinks he knows everything when he knows next to nothing.

Maybe it would have been better if he had started at the bottom in his second career in politics, say, as Mayor of New York City. He could have been elected in a” New York minute,” being the star of Page Six in the New York Post, the Pravda of Big Apple journalism.

He was the master of fake news, disguising his voice as a PR man breaking the news about which starlet his boss was shlonging, the more polite word for shtuping, the idea being he was the sexiest man on the town, except for Roy Cohn.

Even though I wrote that he was the best president we have, it was embarrassing the way the President of Some of the People All the Time was conducting himself in office. Everything he touched seemed to fail. Like a President Magoo, he was turning on our allies for the last fifty years while embracing our enemies, like the ex-KGB killer, Vlad the Poisoner.

His tax cut was fulfilling his promise of making the rich richer, but also making the deficit grow by two or three trillion. And that was when a trillion was real money! At the rate we are going, the country may be in bankruptcy by 2020. Karl Marx said capitalism would whither away.

Maybe that’s why the Rooskies meddled in his election, betting on a man with four or five bankruptcies to his good name, rather than a Rick Santorum, the only Republican presidential candidate in 2016 with a Latin surname who wore a sweater vest at debates.

With all the good words I was writing about him, I still wished he would have spent more time in the office learning the job, instead of going on vacation, playing golf and running for office in 2020, something he started with the reading of the last line of the Inaugural Address.

I tell you it was humiliating for a pundit like myself, travelling in an alternative universe, to have been so wrong. But, look, no pundit is perfect.

All of which is by way of saying I am turning over a new gold-leaf. We have been living in the golden age of American presidential politics the last two years, compared to the final two years under the leadership of a truly stupid fat man.

In Volume Two of “The Trumponicles,” available at your local Internet provider starting next week, I will be telling you what I really think of him.

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Marvin Kitman,
Nov. 25, 2018
 

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history.