Making America’s Democracy Great Again
President Donald J. Trump wraps the flag in himself.
There is only an 80% chance there will be an election in 2020.
The closer we get to the release of the Mueller report (big yawn), and more importantly when Stormy Daniels releases her video, my sources tell me, President Plump will issue a sheaf of Executive Orders that have been sitting in his “Things to do This Quadrennial” drawer since Inauguration Day.
Why, he will argue at a campaign rally in a Michigan airplane hanger, to a mixed audience of average corporate executives and campaign donors, in the name of maintaining the Rule of Law and for public safety, Election Day will be delayed somewhat next time around.
As he will explain his reasoning on “Fox & Friends,” the Pravda of the administration, why do we need elections every four years?
They were a good idea before trains and TV were invented, and before we had unbiased sources of information and enlightenment, like Fox News, but today they are time-consuming, cost-ineffective, polarizing and a general waste of time and money.
We have more important things to do. There are government over-reach regulations to do away with. One third of the nation still has clean air and clean water. One third of the nation still has health insurance. One third of the nation still has neighbors with immigrant ancestry living next door who make productive contributions to the community and aren’t gang members.
Poor people are still getting food stamps to avoid starvation. Why don’t they get jobs in McDonald’s?
Our public school system is failing. We have kids who can’t do long division or read a clock without a cell phone.
Our weak military, even though it is the strongest in the world, needs rebuilding. Our atomic weapons suck.
And we need to build the wall on the northern border, to stop all that cold air from Canada invading our cities. As the Mothers Against Canada and the champions of stupidity on “South Park” were saying in endorsing the President’s naming our ex-friends “a threat to our security,” it’s “South Park USA vs. Canada” in the next war. A good one, because we haven’t won a war since Grenada!
Anyway, elections are rigged. The more elections we have the greater the risk of Russia meddling. In God we trust, but no longer elections.
And why should the term of office be for such a short period?
Our fellow so-called democracies in shithole countries have presidents who serve the people for 20 and 30 years. Or however long it takes to end corruption, as promised.
Besides, FDR served four terms. Anything less is un-American!
The beauty part of these electoral reforms is the minority of the people who got what they wanted, thanks to the electoral college, will say, “So what?”
But wait, there’s more. My sources tell me other Executive Orders in the Oval Office out-box involve a few small changes in the Constitution, such as fixing the emolument clause thing and rewriting a few of the Ten Amendments.
For fans of democracy, there is no reason to despair. There’s always the chance President Plump will get bored with playing the role of POTUS in the cartoon that the presidency has become.
He has proven he can lie and say anything loony that crosses his gut, no matter how illogical or stupid. He’s had fun using his time in office to grow his own personal wealth and making sure his kids will be able to live above poverty level, and won’t need those socialistical food stamp programs. He’s tired of the charade of pretending to pay attention to all those other boring foreign leaders. He’d prefer playing golf at Mar-a-Lago than meeting with assholes like Kim Jung Duh.
Where is it written that he needs to put up with criticism from all those whiners about separating children from their parents? His family sent him away to military school while he was in knee pants, and look at how well it all turned out?
My sources say President Plump’s farewell address might quote that great American Porky the Pig in his Loony Tunes curtain:
“That’s all folks.”
June 25, 2018