What Do Those Norwegians Have Against Our President?
All loyal and patriotic Americans were proud to learn this past week our president has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.
The nominating process is secret and confidential so it is not known the worthy basis for consideration, possibly for not destroying the world by encouraging a nuclear Armageddon through his fire and fury diplomacy act against the big little rocket man with the funny haircut from North Korea.
This wasn’t the first time he had been nominated for the Nobel gonfalon; it happened last year, too.
One of the 329 candidates –217 individuals and 112 organizations so honored this year— his is the only nomination suspected of forgery.
Reports from Oslo suggested last year’s nomination also was suspicious of monkey business. Both cases have been referred to the proper authorities (the FBI) for investigation.
Who might have done it?
Scholars of our president’s search for fame and honor in earlier life, so intense is his passion for winning the gold, would not be surprised if he nominated himself.
In all false modesty, he had self-nominated in what he considered the highest honor possible, mention in his paper of record, the New York Post, and its honor of honor, a blurb on Page Six.
To achieve this laurel, young Trump was known to disguise his voice, and represent himself as a press agent calling the desk with tips about what hot stripper his client was dining with at what Trump-owned restaurant. While at it, Sore Throat would pass on factoids about the latest amazing Trump real estate deal. The facts were accurate; he had made them up himself.
The Nobel committee was reportedly waiting to hear from the FBI to get to the bottom of the mystery.
Not that the Bureau is that trustworthy. As the president has told us, the FBI is one of the nation’s sixteen least trustworthy intelligence agencies, all of who had concluded there was collusion with a foreign power in the 2016 election. It showed how little they knew, the president having declared on the record “No collusion”... “No obstruction of justice”…”Indict Crooked Hillary” hundreds of times.
This is not to say he doesn’t deserve the prize.
Among his achievements in foreign affairs in his first year in office, he is the first president to be sued by a stripper while sitting down face to face with an Asiatic madman in negotiations which might end civilization as we know it, with one slip of an epithet from either inexperienced leader.
He is also the first president to go where no president has gone before in agreeing to North Korea negotiations with a State Department that has so many vacant desks, it looks like a “Going Out of Business Sale.”
The head of the North Korea Desk quit last month. The Secretary of State from ExxonMobil is out of office again, travelling the world visiting tyrants glad to see him because he may be handing out royalty checks for oil leases he negotiated for his former employer, whatever. He didn’t even know the president would be suddenly agreeing to talks, just as he was announcing they would never happen.
Not that the president needs Foggy Bottom help in the coming negotiations, as long as he has by his side his trusted son–in- law with limited security clearance, Jared Kushner, should ambassador-without- multiple- portfolios Prince Jared be able to take time off from settling the Palestine-Israel conflict.
Our commander- in –chief is also the first president to unwittingly, or wittingly, whatever, give away official state secrets to the ambassador of a hostile power (sometimes thought to be Russia by other presidents) in an Oval Office meeting.
Not to mention being the first president to have six of his most trusted foreign policy advisers waiting to go to jail after pleading guilty of lying to the FBI, among other crimes and misdemeanors the president knew absolutely nothing about, so help him God.
So what does all of this have to do with the riddle of awarding a peace prize? Don’t ask me; ask the Norwegian Nobel Committee. They will be able to tell us about the deliberations in fifty years, as the rules dictate. Why, that’s even less secretive than Page Six editors’ criteria.
In conclusion, I will only say that if our boy in the race doesn’t get the prize in October, after all he has done for stability in the world today, and isn’t considered worthy because of some technicality, as all those leaders from shithole countries who usually get the award, he will have every right to claim election fraud and threaten to put Norway’s citizens on the “Do Not Let In” list.
March 10, 2018