One of the perks of being the publisher, editor, executive producer, the boss of “The Marvin Kitman Show” is being able to award the writer for a job well done: a bonus of extra vacation time. As regular readers may have noticed in 2017 I had more vacations than Johnny Carson at NBC’s “Tonight” show. Today, I return from my seventh vacation, resuming the explanation of what is happening so that any nine-year old can get it.

Is the President’s Brain Missing?

Donald J. Trump

The quality of a president’s mind has not been such an alarming topic of discussion since The Great Moron Debate of October 2017—a proposition fueled by the Secretary of State for Exxon Mobil and USA, no Henry Kissinger himself. It asked, as Rex Tillerson may or may not have initiated, whether the president is a moron, or just an idiot, which many biased head-scratching pundits believed.

Is this mental fitness thing just another hoax, perpetrated by the witch-hunting fake news establishment that is out to get our commander-in-chief, the best one we have? Does the president have all his marbles? Is he totally insane, whatever?

So what if he seems mentally unstable, capricious, uninformed and erratic. So what if he is stunningly undisciplined with no patience or interest in learning, and is driven by intemperate sometimes absurd motivation, and acting like a nine-year old needing immediate gratification, as his critics claim, risking defaming all nine-year olds by the comparison?

In all candor, the president assured the people there was no reason for concern. With his gift for introspection, the other morning he gave himself a Selfie on the official organ of the Trump administration (Twitter):

“Throughout my life my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being like really smart…Not only smart but VERY smart, a genius... and a very stable genius at that.”

And not only that, he continued on the Pravda of the Trump presidency (Twitter), he went to a good college. Not Brooklyn College or Queens College or even CCNY, the Harvard of his New York metropolitan area! But Ivy League (Penn)!

Where do I stand, or sit, on this mental fitness thing that has agitated the chattering class?

There are those who believe in the theory that the president’s brain has been missing since Inauguration Day.

It happens around 3 AM every morning. When he sits down to record what passes through his so-called mind, his brain mysteriously takes off. It flies out the window, circles around the Washington Monument, then heads north to Moscow.

There have been sightings of strange objects in the skies over Washington. Like UFO’s, the government has suppressed them for fear of alarming the people.

Similar reports of a president’s brain being missing occurred during the Reagan administration.

For eight years, it was said, the First Actor thought he was making a movie. It was the longest period being on location the Gipper ever experienced.

The way it worked, according to analysts of the time, every morning Attorney General Ed Meese would wake the president, pull the drapes, open the window, the brain flew off. AG Meese acted as the president’s brain the rest of the day. Fortunately, Nancy served on his brain trust, making policy decisions based on advice from her LA astrologist.

I’m no brain doctor, neurologist or neurosurgeon, wouldn’t know an MRI from an IRT or BMT. But I do know there is plenty of evidence to support the brainless theory about POTUS.

Just yesterday, for example, the commander-in-chief was saying there was no collusion with the Russians in the 2016 election. He said it eight times in one press conference, whatever our 16 intelligence agencies had concluded.

How is it possible that the presidential candidate with the warmest relationship with the Kremlin since Gus Hall ran for president four times as the candidate of the CPUSA (Communist Party USA) from 1932-1944, did not know they were dancing the kasatka in the Politburo, celebrating what they did for the candidate not named Hillary?

As worrisome as a lack of attention being paid to small details like that by such a smart president who went to an Ivy League school, I am not one of those whining pundits and talking heads who believe the president is nuts, a word used by the New York Times (1/10/18).

I do not think he is totally insane. I do question his values, tough. There are only two things important to him: tax reform, so working class folks like his family can become richer, and getting on Page Six.

For twenty years, making the gossip page of the New York Post was the greatest intellectual achievement for Comrade Captain Amerika, as he is known in Moscow intelligentsia. Marital scandals, divorces, big real estate deals, some of which actually were true, that was the meaning of life, when certified by Page Six ink. The presidency itself was the ultimate Page Six caper.

Without meaning any disrespect to our bozo-in-chief, I would not be surprised if he gave the keys to the back door of the White House to the Big Bad Wolff, the best of the nine-year old columnists, so he could play Boswell and get the president plastered on the Page Sixes of all media persuasions.

As for the president being VERY smart, I would like to see his SAT scores. Along with his tax records, the numbers will be buried in the Trump Library vaults forever or until the end of the time, whichever lasts longer, so help the Trump lawyers.

Not too mention his report card at Penn’s Wharton school, another boast about his mental capacity.

How smart could he have been with four bankruptcies and nine failing Trump branded entities to his good name? Here was a Wharton graduate who can’t even get a USA bank to lend him money anymore. Nothing this Ivy College would brag about.


Marvin Kitman,
Jan. 12, 2018

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history.