How Does He Get Away With It?

Trump’s Snake Oil

Instantaneous Cure for All Afflictions

He is the greatest snake oil salesman since biblical times, unmatched in American political history.

He has bamboozled 63 million voters. Not only the yahoos, but some very learned people, doctors, lawyers, scientists, economists, astrophysicists and certainly anyone who is very very rich like him!

How is it that he hasn’t been carted off to the clink or the nut house for all the illegal and absolutely crazy things he has said and done since 2016?

It’s not just that he has managed to pack the courts with judges who bat from the right side of the plate or convinced Evangelicals that he is God’s gift to Americankind, despite having committed every sin in the Good Book.

It’s not only that he has made America a country where ignorance is wisdom, inexperience equals knowledge, false statements are true, up is down, black is white.

As smart as you and I are, with our higher IQ scores, social science degrees and built-in crap detectors, why have we let him get away with whatever the con man-of-the year trick is playing on the lemmings of the nation?

I hope to get a grant from the National Institute of Mental Health —if he hasn’t shut it down yet as an economy measure, the funds going to help build the wall of his dreams —for a monograph on the subject.

This is the thesis of my grant proposal:

After the first 1,106 days or so of following the man playing the role of the president in what he thinks is another reality TV series — an experience like unwittingly grabbing hold of a white hot tungsten wire and being unable to let go—his strategy has become clear to me. Without think tank or advisers smarter than himself, his success formula is his realization there are many more common folks out there than fat cats like himself.

His message: Sure I got billions, but that means nothing because I am just a plain ordinary guy. JUST LIKE YOU. I think like you. I talk like you. I’ve got billions but that is the only thing I have in common with those other mega-rich people who are stupid. They are stupid because they do stupid things (always citing a few such stupidities like trade balances with China). And they don’t care about you. But I do. I love this country, just like you. And I want to make us strong and proud again.

He is the ultimate populist! That is the heart of his strategy.

As if to prove he is a populist, there is his well known love for McDonald’s food, even though he hasn’t been seen at a McDonald’s table or drive-in-lane in awhile, if ever.

It doesn’t seem to matter that he was Peter-principled at birth, a genius businessman, as he calls himself, on his father’s payroll since the age of three, and had “earned” $3 million dollars by the ripe old age of 3, according to the failing New York Times and no one seemed to be asking if he has been paying income taxes on his “earnings” all those years? Don’t we all wish we had such caring loving fathers?

The base, the 34.9% and other yahoos, the closet thing we have to H.L. Mencken’s Booboisie, for whom he can do no wrong, even if he shot somebody on Fifth Avenue with an AK17 Gage Russian Weapon Pack, love the strategy that he is just like them. They believe it.

It is this strategy that has allowed him to get away with declaring he has an “absolute right” to use executive authority at least 29 times since his election, according to an Associated Press review of his comments in Factba.se.

Thanks to President I Can Do Anything I Want we now know that a POTUS can commit 82 infractions of the High Crimes and Misdemeanors clause implied by the Constitution, traditionally considered threatening to the Democratic system, and still not only not be removed from office by the lame impeachment process but possibly win a second or third or fourth term, like his friend, Putin.

Aside from establishing new lows in morality and ethics, the strategy has given new meaning to our national motto, “ In Trump We Trust” (check the dollar bill). Future president’s trustworthiness will be judged by the man of whom former New York City deputy mayor Alair Townsend observed, “I wouldn’t trust Trump if his tongue was notarized.”

Still you had to be impressed by the first carney barker’s fortitude with all the abuse he is taking from the socialists at MSNBC and CNN during the Senate trial. He could have said, “I don’t need to take this horseshit anymore. I can become a golf pro or TV weatherman.” *

It’s a comfort to know the boobs will follow him into the abyss, regardless of the results of the sham, farcical, FAKE, partisan hoax of an impeachment trial preventing the first snake oil salesman from Making America Even Greater Than Ever.

If I’m wrong about any of this, in the words of Emily Litella, “Never mind.”


 

--
Marvin Kitman,
Jan. 28, 2020
 

* Who can forget those five days in September 2019 when the POTUS was the only forecaster predicting Hurricane Dorian would hit Alabama, whatever the professional nerds at the National Weather Service were guessing. And he had the official map hand-drawn with the White House Sharpie to prove it.

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history. His next book, “Gullible's Travels, A Comical History of the Trump Era,” coming from Seven Stories Press May 5, 2020, is now available for pre-order.