Why are we trying to impeach the President?


We the people of Gulliblesylvania, a democratic country ruled by 34.9% of the nation, a minority better known as “the base,” elected a man who, let us not forget, was only 2,897,045 short of a majority. A distinguished alumni of the Electoral College (class of 2016), he gave up a life as a famous New York real estate mogul, Reality TV and Page Six star to answer the call to serve the public for four, or eight years. Or, maybe, among the term limits he has been suggesting at campaign rallies lately to the really rank and file, “12, 16, 24…?”

As it turned out his first three years of duty as POTUS have been monstrous, disgraceful, idiotic and a frightful period in the history of the Republic. But is that any reason to try to terminate a time of service?

Where is our respect for the Electoral College with this impeachment thing?

The only president we’ve ever had with the skin the color of a Cheeto, who thinks he looks orange on TV because of the invention of the tungsten light bulb.*

So what if the Electoral College elected a totally inexperienced, unqualified, incompetent, stupendously stupid candidate who claimed to be an incredibly great businessman with only six bankruptcies on his C.V., smart enough not to pay taxes, a stable genius, who has turned the White House into the nut house in only 36 months.

How can we now try to get rid of the First con man in the midst of his making America great again, even though it was already pretty good, the first put in office by Russians finagling our sacred election process?

Now I realize this Ukrainian thing the socialists in the House are using as evidence of abuse of power makes him look bad. From sworn testimony, the beautiful perfect phone call asking the Ukrainian president to do him “a little favor” sounds a lot like the comforting voice of an Al Capone suggesting he become a partner in a Chicago dry cleaning shop or it will blow up, accidentally.

But in the years of his acting “presidential” there were so many other impeachable offenses, like that silly emolument clause thing. He swore to obey and uphold the Constitution, but isn’t not reading or understanding it a mitigating defense?

Anyway, how do you get the best people to run for office, if the job doesn’t pay enough?

Sure, he’s corrupt. A corrupt politician is an oxymoron. As a New Jersey Republican consultant told me, that’s why people go into politics. “Democrats, at least,” he added. “Republicans do it as a public service.”

That first “greatest cabinet ever in the history of the presidency,” as No. 45 described it on opening day, was filled with lobbyists and executives from the industries their departments were supposed to be regulating. With the president at the head of the table, it was like a page out of a Saudi Arabian Nights’ tales: “Ali Donald & The Forty Thieves.”

He’s so well respected in world affairs now, No. 45 is even being invited to attend the May Day Parade in Red Square. In Moscow, there will be none of those “Lock him up” chants like he got on Veterans’ Day in New York.

Furthermore, how can we impeach the greatest liar in the history of American politics? As of his 993rd day in office (10/14/19), according to the official lie-counter at the Washington Post he has made13,435 false statements or lies. That’s fake news. I counted 15,245 myself, including an awesome five lies in one sound bite on “Fox & Friends on Fix, I mean Fox.

Can you imagine what would happen to the nation if a president suddenly started telling the truth about WTF is going on? It wouldn’t be the morning in America that Ronnie Reagan promised us by electing him in 1980.

Without President Plump who is going to warn us about the huddled masses of immigrant thugs at the southern border gates?

Who is going to befriend all the misunderstood and unappreciated fellow tyrants, like Putin and Erdogan?

And, even worse, without Trump doing something wild and crazy every morning when he sits down at his Twitter feed or flies off to another campaign rally on Air Farce One, the New York Times will be only two or three pages long.

Should it come to pass that despite my passionate defense of the best president we have, and the socialists in the House persist in the madness of conducting a sham, a scandal, the greatest Witch Hunt hoax since Salem 1679, my last words of advise:

Check the silverware as the First Family goes out the White House door.

NEXT: The Making of a War Hero


Marvin Kitman,
Nov. 12, 2019

* When the fake news Washington Post interviewed Jason Kelly, the make-up artist at the Republican National Convention who saw the future president’s skin up close in 2016, said it was “like a kindergartner did it.”

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history. His next book, “Gullible's Travels, A Comical History of the Trump Era,” coming from Seven Stories Press May 5, 2020, is now available for pre-order.