The Ukrainian Thing

Radioactive Ukrainium

Friends, colleagues, fellow Republicans, patriots and fans of “The Trumponicles” (MIA):

There is no truth to the rumor the disappearance of “The Trumponicles” was due to its author having gone to work at the White House as an informal adviser to POTUS, a reward for all the flattering things he has written about the first three years of the greatest administration ever, as it has been said (by the president).

That is fake news. The chronicler is on book leave (Working title: “Gullible’s Travels” or “The Best President We Have,” Seven Stories Press, due out 2020).

A sporadical, “The Trumponicles” are like the National Guard, coming out only in emergencies. As newly defined by the best president we have, an emergency could be anything he sees as one, an invasion by poor huddled masses at the Southern border, a shortage of McDonald’s Happy Meals to Go in the White House freezer, whatever.

All of which is by way of calling your attention to the socialist plot to impeach the minority President of Some of the People All the Time.

“The Articles of Impeachment,” a mini-series dealing with the current emergency, starts today. (As ever, “The Trumponicles” are available on that bastion of free speech,, also Facebook and Twitter. Even faster, home delivery direct email service for those providing email address).


Part I: The Ukrainian thing

In his first 35 months in office, President Trump proved that he was:

With this Ukrainian thing – the famous phone call of July 25 — POTUS is on record as being pro -shakedowns of foreign governments for personal political gain. Wasn’t it awesome the way he held those Javelin anti-tank missiles to the head of the Ukrainian president, asking to do him “a favor” by digging up dirt on the corrupt Sleepy Joe Biden & Son—or else!


President Can You Do Me a Favor since Election Day 2016 has been as busy as The Framers — the 39 who eventually signed the document that has been the supreme law of the land since 1787– serving as a one-man Constitutional Convention, eliminating the need for a costly assembly of delegates from all the states, savings that can be used for building his wall Mexico and Congress refuse to finance.

We have already seen such improvements as a revised emolument clause, adapted to transform the nation from a not-for-profit enterprise called the American government into a wholly- owned subsidiary of the Trump family empire.

Still in the works, after the 2020 election perhaps, is the addition to the Bill of Rights, clarifying the inalienable right to make false statements, a practice POTUS introduced with the reading of the Inaugural Address. He has made 12,019 false or misleading claims over the first 928 days of his administration, as compiled by the Washington Post. These include such acts as the White House changing a transcript from “Trump sinks a 3- foot putt” to a “Trump sinks a 30-foot putt.”

Besides lying and belief in the principle of repeating it over and over again no matter how crazy, it becomes true, the shakedown of a foreign government for personal gain is a towering achievement of this shining on the hill legacy of what the Trump administration stands for.

Even more impressive is our president’s creative writing in dealing with the coming Impeachment Inquiry and Trial, as required by the Constitution:

In the unlikely event that such an unlawful waste of time and energy called “Impeachment” be perpetrated on the American people, the president has the right to label it “a scam, a hoax, a witch hunt,” the greatest since Salem 1692.

A priori, Ukraine-gate is a Trumped up case. All the socialists in Congress have against him are his own words. As we say in New Jersey, fuggedboutit.

All of this may be very confusing to your average American voter who thinks an impeachment is a fruit. Let me explain WTF is going on here.


The election of 2016 was a scientific experiment. What would happen, the theory went, if we elected a corrupt sociopath, a pathological liar, an inexperienced, incompetent, truly stupid person, a man who seems to be more like an outpatient from a mental institution than the White House. What if we gave such an individual the keys to the Oval Office for four, or possibly eight years, and see what kind of crazy shit he might do as the commander-in-chief of the most powerful nation on the planet?

Every morning now we are waking up to some new shocker, the inexplicable, like his abandoning our friends, the Kurds, the most stupid, useless, dangerous action of the Trump Era.

The goal of the experiment is to see whether a nation afflicted with such a malignancy as President Trump would eventually develop antibodies to guard against the disease ever happening again.

This noble experiment in democracy is now at the crossroad: either, we are facing the most cataclysmic impeachment in history…or a president for life.

And what mad scientist would be conducting such an evil experiment? Only the Dark State knows!

NEXT: The Stupidity Defense


Marvin Kitman,
Oct. 14, 2019

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history.