How Does a Responsible Pundit Tell a President he is as Dumb as a Post?

President Trump with the late Charlton Heston and the late Lady Liberty
You maniacs!…          You blew it up!…          Ah, damn you!…          God damn you all to hell!!


The president and I have been known not to see eye to eye on everything. We have had our differences.

As you know, he can be sensitive, sometimes acting like a 6-year old spoiled brat, prone to temper tantrums, slamming a hand on the table, walking out of important meetings with the opposition in the first minute because he’s not getting his way.

It’s easy making fun of this president. He can be sort of goofy for a chief executive of the most powerful nation in the world. I never wanted to get caught up in the debate whether he is a certifiable moron, as Rex Tillerson famously may have said, an idiot as General Kelly concluded, an imbecile, or all three.

I will say he is one of those people who had the misfortune of being Peter-principled from birth. He is what is known as a know-it-it all, when he knows nothing, or even less.

There’s never been a statue erected for a critic. Still, a responsible pundit has the duty to serve his country by being positive, making constructive suggestions about solving the seemingly impossible.

Take this wall thing.

The only expert I know who seems to believe a beautiful wall will actually solve our Southern border security problem, and a man who is basing his legacy on it as the G.O.A.T. (Millennialese for Greatest Of All Time) is Donald Wallbanger, using one of the snarky nicknames I learned from studying the president’s rhetoric.

Every real American wants “My wall,“ as he has explained in the first possessive case he favors, as in “my army,” “my tax cut,” “my emolument clause.” Hundreds of thousands of innocent federal workers are willing to forgo their paychecks to demonstrate support for the 31 day government shutdown to get his wall built, President Plump also has argued.

It may not stop the flow of rapists, murderers, gang members, terrorists, drugs, and families slouching their way across Central America to what they see as Bethlehem, but it may be a symbol!

Si, I agree. Like the Statue of Liberty.

However, it may have a somewhat different symbolic message.

Lady Liberty has been saying to newcomers since it was finished in 1887, Welcome! This may not be The Promised Land, but it’s still a land of opportunity.

Our president’s wall says to your huddled masses:

DROP DEAD!
Go back to where you came from, Greenies!
No more room at the inn!
Whatever.

Even if we don’t agree with the symbolic message, if the wall ever gets built— and the president will fight for it to the last breath of motor mouths like Rush, Laura and Ann Coulter—it will be something some of us can rally around, like the flag.

Think the Robert A. Taft Memorial and Carillon, as it is written on his wall, “a tribute to the honesty, indomitable courage and high principle of free government symbolized by his life”!

Roughly the same words that sum up Donald Wallbanger’s contributions, especially that honesty part, once his memorial wall is built.

Symbol fans may prefer the Washington Monument, the Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials, and the many statues of those terrorist Confederate generals who hold the previous record for the longest partial government shutdown.

But I digress.

One may argue that our politicians (i.e., the President, Senate Majority Leader, and legislative branch members) supporting the efficacy and necessity of the beautiful wall, whether of concrete, steel or bubble wrap are no more qualified to debate design details for security border security than weigh in on designs of a fighter plane.

Nevertheless, if the Minority who elected a President of Some of the People All the Time wants a wall, a responsible pundit says, So Be It! The concern now is the country is being shut down because President Wallbanger’s wall has a cash flow problem.

The Statue of Liberty had a similar problem.

It didn’t matter our greatest American symbol was created by sculptor Frederic Auguste Bartholdi for the Suez Canal. A symbol of Franco-American friendship, it was meant to stand in Baltimore, Boston, Philadelphia and San Francisco, as a fifth thought, dumped in Upper New York Bay.

Donations from the French public would pay for the statue; Americans would fund the pedestal.

Approximately, 180 French cities, towns, and villages contributed. School children gave their sous. A national lottery was held.

American funding for the pedestal lagged. The half-finished pedestal remained an eye sore in the harbor. Until Josef Pulitzer, an immigrant, and his New York World came to the rescue with early American crowd funding.

He promised to list in the pages of his newspaper the names of donors, no matter how small. A kindergarten class in Iowa sent in $1.35. In August 1885, Pulitzer’s paper, its circulation booming with the promotion gimmick, proudly announced they had raised the last $100,000. Let the Lady Liberty Light her torch.

Is there a Pulitzer Prize winner in the media today willing to serve as the wall’s angel?

I nominate Rupert Murdoch.

Not only is he the megamillionbucks owner of Fox News, which serves, as the president’s Pravda, Sir Rupert, like Pulitzer, is an alien. An impoverished lad, he landed on our shores from Australia in 1970, with only three million dollars in his pocket. (“But they were Australian dollars,” a cynic would say).

For this patriotic cause, Fox News could urge its Closed Door Policy enthusiasts to send in their dividend checks to help build the wall of their dreams. Bricks or steel slats, underwritten by tax- cut funds can include donees names, as in other eleemosynary institutions.

Sheiks of Araby, lobbyists for industries pleading to bring back good old-fashioned American polluted air and unsafe drinking water, Russian oligarchs seeking sanction relief who had paid from $ 20,000 to millions to attend inaugural balls to see Twinkle Toes Tiny Trump and Melania cut a rug and get a few private moments at the president’s ear can all be retroactively assessed equal deductible contributions for the Beautiful Wall Relief Fund.

The beauty part of this crowd-funding in the spirit of the Statue of Liberty a Trump Memorial Wall could also serve as the final resting place of the 45th president, like Grant’s Tomb on New York’s Upper West Side, which practically nobody visits to pay their respects any more.

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Marvin Kitman,
Jan 23, 2019
 

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history.