Here Come Da Judge

Chris Christie endorses Donald Trump
1.

A day or two before Chris Christie made his announcement that stunned the nation last week, he told the audience at the Elliot Street Elementary School in Newark’s North Ward:

“My mother told me the entire time growing up that God gave you many gifts and if I was willing to work hard enough I could be anything I wanted to be.”

Apparently, what Christie, his God, or his mother told him he could become is a hired gun for Donald Trump. Character Assassinated While U Wait, as Marco Rubio can attest.

Our governor proved that he is a man who stands firmly on his lack of convictions by jumping on the speeding Trumpmobile before it sews up the race to Make America Great Again tonight in the Super Duper Stupor Tuesday primary vote-in.

Aside from the glory of proudly and publicly standing with America’s favorite xenophobic bigot, a firm believer in equal opportunity voter education groups such as the KKK, he is throwing his weight, such as it is, behind the most smelly cheese of a candidate, the Leiderkranz of the Republican Party.

What’s in it for His Hugeness? What is the payback? There is no such thing as a free lunch in politics. What does Christie really want?

2.

There are those who say our governor has sold out because of his life-long ambition to be Vice President.

How silly can you be?

The Veep? A job that FDR’s vice president, John Nance Garner, said “has as much influence as a bucket of spit.” Thomas Marshall, Woodrow Wilson’s vice president, once told his Secret Service guard he wasn’t needed “because no one ever bothers to shoot a vice president?”

Besides, a New York/New Jersey ticket lacks a certain balance.

Wake up and smell the Exxon Refinery, I say to those political naives.

Nor is it a desire to help out a neighbor from the state next door. The Good Neighbor Policy went out the door ever since New York stole our claim to being the most corrupt state in the union.

3.

Now I can understand His Immensity’s psychological need to be a big cheese himself. Coming off the campaign trail, the disappearance of all the klieg lights is like somebody stepping on your air hose.

Of course, Christie had a day job, where he could have earned adulation and cheers by becoming the greatest governor the state of New Jersey ever had. Somehow he could have beaten out Corzine, McGreevy, Whitman and Florio, our last four losers.

No, a big man needs a big goal.

As Hugh Walpole said, “every man has his price.” Here’s what I think is our boy’s.

4.

As a smart politician, Christie never seriously thought he could become president or even get the nomination. He knows he’s a member of a party that thinks a $15 minimum wage will kill jobs, a party that is against protecting water purity with a socialistic EPA, a party that believes it’s okay for people to die on the streets, a party that believes food stampees are lazy and don’t want to work. Being a moderate on these issues makes him out to be a Bolshevik.

What Chris Christie really wants to be when he grows up is a judge, not any judge, but a Supreme Court justice, a chief justice like John Roberts.

It’s not far-fetched.

As I argued in March 2014, he is a lawyer, a former U.S. Attorney for seven years before he turned to a life of crime, as some think of time spent in the State House. He won fame as a corruption-busting prosecutor with 101 indictments of local office holders for taking bribes and other crimes. Of course, 99 of them were Democrats, but that’s because New Jersey Democrats see politics as a business opportunity, a chance to make money; Republicans want to serve the public.

Here’s my further thinking:

Christie’s presidential role model is not Richard Nixon or Abraham Lincoln, but William Howard Taft, who I happened to think was the last good Republican president.

Another reason for Christie not seriously considering the presidency is the Taft Curse. There hasn’t been a fat president since William Howard Taft. Americans don’t trust fat men.

At 307 pounds, Taft got stuck in the White House bathtub. A famous photo-op of the period showed the four plumbers standing in the just installed bathtub.

All of this was before the Nixon plumbers.

The other fact is that Taft never wanted to be vice president or president. A former lower court judge, his dream was sitting on the High Bench. Appointed in 1921 by Warren Harding, he sat as chief justice until his death in 1930. The Taft chair, some said, was more like a small couch.

In girth, Gov. Christie would fit comfortably in Justice Scalia’s late seat. He is also flexible enough in past positions to be on any side of arguments.

Three justices will be replaced in the coming administration because of age-related or health issues.

Justice Clarence Thomas will be retired prematurely now that Scalia isn’t able to feed or burp him, as Dick Cavett opines. He stunned the Court this week by speaking in arguments for the first time in ten years.

Justice Christie would increase noise level of the court.

All of which should explain the unfathomable Trump –Christie alliance. Super Tuesday for Trump will be the equivalent of West Virginia for JFK.

Here go de judge. As George Washington Plunkett, the legendary 19th century Tammany Hall leader said in his dictum on clean government, “I seen my opportunities and I took ‘em.”

30

  

--
Marvin Kitman
March 1, 2016

Marvin Kitman’s next book is “Chris Christie‚Äôs Expense Account.”

Public Domain Photo of the George Washington Bridge by National Park Service Photographer Jack E. Boucher from Wikimedia Commons.