Say It Ain't So, Marvin

In my last column on a major national issue –the race for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination—there was the implication that it was my last column about my favorite “possible presidential candidate,” as participants usually are described by media, even though they have been running their feet off since the last sentence of the Inaugural Address in 2012.

It was written after my candidate was taking victory laps in New Hampshire and Iowa, where a whopping 35% of the corn huskers said they still like Gov. Christie, despite his bad press about Bridgegate, Portauthoritygate, and other gates.

In that column (See “The Christie Chronicles #19”, 8/8/14), I had advised fellow New Jersey citizens to get used to the idea they wouldn’t have Christie to kick around any more.

Based on my informed sources, I was kissing him goodbye as the governor of the great state of New Jersey. The column was the equivalent of ripping up copies of the (largely negative) Bergen Record for the post-Convention ticker parade down the streets of Paterson, or wherever the Summer White House might be.

The governor was now in our rear view mirrors, I argued.

All of this could be construed as traditional political rhetoric. For example, when a candidate on election morning is behind in the latest polls by 29 points, with a margin error of 3% plus or minus, he is always still confident of emerging victorious. It’s not over, as they say, until the downstate farm vote is in— Even afterwards, if the sore loser demands a recount, after accusing the humble opponent of voter fraud!

Does this really mean, asked a disappointed and disgusted reader, Gene Ginsberg of Long Island, that you are not going to write any more about the governor’s non-bid for the presidency?

Are you finally saying it was an impossible dream, the way to get Christie out of the state and into the White House? Let the rest of the country share what we in New Jersey had to put up with for the last six years!

In other words, did this mean that I was publicly throwing in the towel, agreeing with all the Cassandras who were predicting the scandals finished Christie’s chances?

After 19 “Christie Chronicles” columns, was the fantasy over?

Hell, no!

I’m surprised that my thoughtful readers didn’t understand what “final” meant. In politics, words have elasticity. Besides, no political pundit ever admits to being wrong.

Are you kidding, Kitman? You still think the governor is a viable candidate?

You’re fucking A–right, as our governor might phrase it.

If anything, recent events have made me more confident than ever.

Our biggest rival for the nomination is in trouble

You may have heard that Texas Governor Rick Perry was indicted on abuse of power charges back home where the deer and the antelope do roam. The high powered team of five attorneys for the indicted chief executive formally asked a judge in Austin Monday to dismiss felony charges alleging that the possible presidential candidate abused his power with a veto last summer. In a motion filed in state district court, Perry’s defense team argued, the abuse of power indictments were unconstitutional, weakened the moral fiber of the nation, and so forth .The 60 page motion could put you to sleep faster than a Sominex or a Rick Perry speech of any length.

Meanwhile, back on the campaign trail, Gov. Perry is in New Hampshire where he is telling the voters there was nothing wrong about allegedly leveraging his veto power in June 2013 trying to can a county District Attorney who was convicted of drunken driving, beating up police officers and kicking in a jail house door. It had nothing to do with her being a Democrat whose office kept finding Republicans allegedly guilty of corruption.

Perry is now playing the martyr card. They are out to get me with those silly charges, he is saying, ignoring all the really indictable things he has done in his 11 years in office. The Travis County Grand Jury is trying to infringe my rights to be the autocratic ruler of a state that should go back to Mexico where it came from! Or words to that effect.

Chris Christie can beat Rick Perry two ways.

First of all, he’s a lot smarter. My man can name all three departments he wants to close, if elected, although he might not be able to deliver on his promises.

Then there is the abuse of power charges themselves. With all due respect to the rule of law on the prairie, they are mere bagatelles. Did Perry, I ask you, ever close the toll lanes on the bridge between El Paso and Juarez?

His alleged abuses of power are cow flop compared to what may be coming down the Turnpike against Chris Christie by the time Loretta Weinberg and her legislative inquisitors in Trenton get through with their due process. Not to mention Paul J. Fishman, the United States Attorney for the District of New Jersey, whose office is working on multiple cases. Before 2016 gets serious, Gov. Christie might have three or four indictments pending in the race for the felon vote.

No wonder I am so hopeful.

Now I’m not saying Chris Christie is another Lincoln or Teddy Roosevelt or even Warren Harding. I’m not saying he should be joining the immortals on Mt. Rushmore. They would need a separate mountain to do him justice.

I’m just saying he is a lot better than the totally insane Ted Cruz and others in the Impeachment Wing of the party and Rand Paul, the darling of our young fogeys, many of whom aren’t old enough to vote, who don’t mind his ideas of governance are out there where the busses don’t run.

So, yes, you haven’t heard the end of my campaign rhetoric for the best governor the state of New Jersey has.


Marvin Kitman
August 27, 2014

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history.

Public Domain Photo by National Park Service Photographer Jack E. Boucher.