WHY I SUPPORT STORMY 4 PRESIDENT IN 2020
A Registered Republican speaks his mind, such as it is

CARRY ON WITH STORMY D

I admit a certain bias, a partiality in the coming political battle of the century, as the chairman of the non-partisan citizens united spontaneous draft “Stormy 4 President” organization of Northern New Jersey, working to engineer such a spontaneous draft. But so what? It’s a free country, or was until the imbecile–in-chief took over the reigns of government in the bloodless coup of the minority in 2016.

Here is why I, as a Registered Republican, support Stormy in this wonderful cause.

America has a rich history of film stars holding political office. Not only was Ronnie Reagan President, but also George Murphy was a U.S. senator, Arnold Schwarzenegger was Governor of California, and Cynthia Nixon (no kin of Dick Nixon) is running for Governor of New York. Accordingly, our candidate, who as you know, is an adult film star, is most qualified to be president.

Our candidate’s first campaign promise:

Rather than the so-called straight talk we usually get from politicians, our candidate will give you double entendres!

Two big reasons why I’m voting for Stormy:

Reason #1. She doesn’t lie. Admittedly, we are not used to that in the Oval Office. Telling the truth is virtually un-American since the First Prevaricator became POTUS.

ERRATUM INSERTION: I want to apologize for a misstatement of fact in a previous transmission (MKS 3/28/18) that stated the president couldn’t go two minutes without telling a lie. As a fact-checker noted, when did he ever go two minutes without lying?


Our candidate says she had an affair with the president. It wasn’t a big romantic tryst, like the six-month affair with the Playboy Gatefold Calendar Girl Karen McDougal. It was more of a ship passing in the night, a one-nighter, the highlight of which was her date asking to be spanked with a rolled-up magazine bearing his picture on the cover.

President Spanky Trump denies it ever happened.

I can understand why the affair slipped his mind. It wasn’t the best sex our candidate ever had.

Reason #2. Is our commander-in-chief, the Leader of the Free World (LFW) afraid of a porn star for whom he didn’t make the earth move, as they say?

Spanky Trump has posted more than 2,900 times on his Twitter account, statisticians report, while in office. He has reached withering heights with his nicknames and comments that can give even brave Republicans legislators’ the spines of jellyfish. Why is it that only Putin and Stormy have escaped being targets?

Stormy has the political smarts. She knows the basic principle of politics today is follow the money. Could she hold the Trump card in her coming kiss-and-$130,000 hush payment-tell trial? One lie and the obstruction of justice game will be over for the Spanky Trump revolution.

Our candidate’s major opponent in the traditional Republican Party nominating circus of 2020 will be Roseanne Barr.

His favorite source of news and information, next to “Fox & Friends” on Fix News, what he likes about “The Roseanne Show” is that the star is Making Trump Seem Great Again. He doesn’t seem to realize, being a sitcom, that premise might be a joke. By definition, sitcoms are supposed to be funny.

Roseanne is a whale of a candidate. She will win a lot of votes, the way she dresses up in her favorite Nazi outfit with the Hitler mustache, and regale us with her cockamamie conspiracy theories.

The other serious candidate in the race will be Oprah, the egghead candidate.

What happens to Spanky Trump in all of these calculations?

True, he has been running for a second term in 2020 ever since the reading of the last line in the Inaugural Address of 2017, a ceremony attended by the largest crowd in the history of the Republic.

He will be impeached or institutionalized in the Ezra Pound Wing of St. Elizabeth’s Hospital by 2020, so will not be a factor in the race.

Call me a sexist, but may the best woman win in 2020.

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--
Marvin Kitman,
April 3, 2018
 

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history.