Don Trump’s Live and Let Die

Double-Oh-Forty-Five. Licensed to make us ill?

It was a mistake that the Republican Party intelligentsia forced the administration to shut down the nightly White House Briefings on the Coronavirus,” that Reality TV show starring Donald J. Trump as the Acting President.

The party brainiacs thought the sometimes longer than two hour daily exhibition of the president’s skill as leader of the nation during the most serious public health crisis in more than a century was hurting the party’s chances in 2020. The president, they feared, was starting to look like a jerk, something some of us knew five years ago.

Muzzling the president disrupted the flow of important misinformation, a daily public service by the government not seen since the “Six O’Clock Follies,” as they were called, during the Vietnam War.

Those were the nightly press conferences the Pentagon staged in Saigon for correspondents, giving the government’s view of how well the war was going. Bragging about the number of VC killed in the body bag count… The bomb tonnage our B-52’s dropped on the bike path called Ho Chi Minh Trail, often more in a single day than all of World War II…The value of the spraying of Agent Orange, Dow Chemical’s contribution to making America Great in Southeast Asia… O, what a glorious war!

The pro-American info dumps were then passed on from the field to the evening news back home. The most trusted man in America, Walter Cronkite of CBS News, everybody’s favorite Uncle- figure, was able to say, “And that’s the way it is.”

But it wasn’t.

Donald Trump is the Uncle Walt of the war against the invisible enemy, Covid-19.

For six weeks, every night, Uncle Don began his version of “The Six O’clock Follies” with the reading of the facts, some of which might have been true. He was doing a great job with the ventilators, masks, gloves, test kits. Anybody who wanted a test could get one, thanks to him. The numbers of the dead and dying were read with all the empathy of a train stationmaster announcing the departure of the 6:24 on track 29.

And then the greatest wartime president in our history, better even than FDR, as he explained, would start lying to the best of his ability about what was really going on in the war against the scourge.

As those enemies of the people, the three journalists at the New York (All the fake news that’s fit to print) Times — Jeremy W. Peters, Elaina Plott and Maggie Haberman —who reviewed more than 260,000 words spoken by the president during the pandemic found:

“By far the most recurring utterances from Mr. Trump in the briefings were self-congratulations, roughly 600 of them, which are often predicated on exaggerations and falsehoods.”

The nightly White House briefings were also the chance to blame others for inadequacies in the state and federal response. More than 360 times, according to the nasty counters.

Apparently, medical supply problems had nothing to do with the seven-week delay between when intell agencies briefs sent to the White House in February warned of the coming pandemic. President Don’t Blame Me never read briefings. Besides, he was too busy firing the previous administration’s pandemic unit in the White House, playing golf, and attending campaign rallies.

For the record, whatever went wrong was Obama’s fault, China’s fault, the WHO, the state governors, Crazy Nancy, Slimy Schumer’s fault.

I don’t remember why Uncle Walt was lying to American TV news followers for ten years about Vietnam. Was he just being patriotic, following the Pentagon line? Maybe it had something to do with LBJ and later Nixon’s dedication to John Foster Dulles’ idiotic Domino Theory that predicted capitalism would wither away in South East Asia.

To error is human, Shakespeare hypothesized. But the Bard never had come across a Donald Trump. Our most apolitical president has no axioms to grind. He only lies whenever his mouth open. That’s what so great about our Lyin’ King.

Mister Smart Republicans who caused my favorite fake news show to be cancelled just because he was down in the polls the last several weeks in key states:

We realize our boy isn’t the most brilliant president in our political history. As a matter of fact, I was the first pundit to award him the encomium the most idiotic candidate in the 2016 campaign. Yes, but he was America’s Idiot, judging by his victory. All of which offended our nation’s morons, and even oxymorons, who claimed him as one of their own.

The problem is by cancelling “The Six O’Clock Follies,” the unfettered unmasked President Four More Years is now free to tour his favorite factories, like the Honeywell in Phoenix yesterday (May 5), and his beloved packed campaign rallies. Without his mask, and unsafe social distancing and all the other administration guidelines he will be violating in his Victory Tour, he is in danger of decimating the base, which might hurt the party's election chances in November.

Whether its called quarantine, house arrest, or exercising first amendment rights, Let Trump be Trump, I say, before our idiot gets carried away by the base’s rally enthusiasm and advocates using nuclear weapons in the war against the anti-Trump virus.


Marvin Kitman,
May 6, 2020

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history. His next book, “Gullible's Travels, A Comical History of the Trump Era,” coming from Seven Stories Press later this month, is now available for pre-order.