Why I Won’t Be Running for Veep

Don and Chris
1.

There is a rumor that my name is on the short-list of those being vetted as a running mate for the presumptive President-elect on the Republican Party ticket.

In all due modesty, Kitman as Vice President is no more preposterous than a President Trump.

2.

I can understand how the rumor started, given my close association with Chris Christie, who is emerging as the leader of the DJT transition team, the eminence Gris, the fatman behind the throne.

I had written 43 essays in support of our governor’s bid for the presidency (see “The Christie Chronicles,” episodes I-XLIII, www.marvinkitman.com), while serving as chairman of “Christie for President in 2012”(later 2016, and 2020, the organization adapting to conditions on the ground), all non-partisan selfless public service activities aimed at getting the governor out of the state by kicking him up to the White House.

As you know, we failed. Much to our movement’s chagrin, Gov. Wide Load, as we affectionately called him, dropped out of the fight after the first round. Instead of being the Jersey Joe Walcott of the Republican Party, he turned out to be a Two Ton Tony Galento. Without meaning to sound bitter, it seemed as if our boy was a palooka who went into the tank.

There was no reason His Rotundity, as he is also known locally, couldn’t have made something out of finishing sixth in New Hampshire. It was a primary campaign in which the boy senator Rubio was claiming to have won every time he finished third. Kid Oreo, as we thought of our man in Trenton in homage to his favorite snack, was the only talent in the 17 original stumblebums in the 2016 GOP campaign who could have sucker punched Trump to his knees; Remember how he took out Rubio in the debates? Our boy coulda’ been a contenda, stronger than the other remaining gubernatorial, what’s his name from Ohio.

Oh well, no sense crying over spilled milk shakes.

3.

In truth, there was not much of a chance the party’s front-runner would consider me suitable. I should have been more actively supporting him, if I had half the brain of Trump and his good looks. But I was the one who was on record calling him—only 16 times (see “The Making of the President 2016”, www.marvinkitman.com) an idiot; a man who was a joke perpetrated on the nation, a man not only a total ignorant ignoramus on foreign but domestic policy; a man who was a habitual liar and hypocrite; an xenophobic racist, misogynist; a man who is now refusing to show us his taxes, allow personal background search for mob connections, question his marital infidelities, and labor hiring practices . And those were the good things I could say about him.

Clearly, a Trump-Kitman ticket was never in the cards. Trump may be an idiot, but he’s not stupid. A New York –New Jersey ticket lacked balance.

This was the political reality also against New Jersey Gov. Christie ever being Trump’s choice for second banana. Some of my silly readers assumed the Veepship was the reason the geographically impaired Christie threw in the white towel so early.

Unlike His Heaviness, Gov. Christie, who jumped into the lifeboats ahead of the women and children as the Republican Titanic brain trust steered the party straight into the iceberg, I am not such a fan of DJT’s winning in November. The man is a loser. He’s a loser in business as his three bankruptcies and nine failed or failing businesses to which he leases his good name would certify, a loser in creating jobs, as employees at his Atlantic City casinos can attest. He is such a highly self-acclaimed “deal maker,” he can’t even get the Mexicans to agree to build the Trump Wall, which should be better built across Guatemala or El Salvador, where all the so-called the rapists and crooks are coming from these days.

But why go on. Simply put, I don’t want to besmirch the Kitman family name being associated with such a loser.

4.

In fairness to other candidates being vetted, today I am issuing the following unequivocal statement:

I do not choose to run or even jog, skateboard, parasail, or zip line for Vice President. I am against a draft, unless it is an honest, sincere, unengineered draft that is being engineered spontaneously by paid volunteers. So help me Charles G. and David W. Koch!

5.

So where do I stand, or sit, on the Trump vice presidency issue?

In the spirit of maintaining the dignity of the office, I am throwing my support today to Stevie Wonder.

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Marvin Kitman
May 22, 2016

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789”, HarperCollins, and in paperback, Grove Press, available at Amazon and quality book-sellers.