Have We No Shame?

Republican Primary Final Three 2016 - Caricatures

My Republican party this past week was up to its chin in debates over allegations of adultery, and how wives of Donald Trump and Ted Cruz look.

Anatomical insults, violent outbursts at rallies, nasty accusations of lying and dirty tricks ricocheting around the political world and media, fueling controversy over who is the biggest boor of all!

Racy images from old magazine shoots, comparative photos on social media and cable news as if the voters were judges in a beauty contest!

Who knows, spouses might be appearing in bathing suits at the next debate, doing essays on their hopes for the country as first wives, displaying their other talents besides standing on stage behind their husbands, smiling and thinking of going shopping or whatever else candidates wives do while hearing the same old baloney from their windbag husbands.

I tell you it’s offal. The campaign is more and more reminding me of “The Jerry Springer Show.”

One false rhetorical move and the candidates would be buried in the offal stuff they are slinging. GLUG, GLUG!

The idiotic behavior of the two leading front-runners is a total embarrassment to the rest of the world, and to moi.

Now I realize I’ve used the encomium “idiot” before in these epistles about what is happening to my Republican Party (see “The Making of the President 2016,” accessible at this website). But that was used loosely, mostly describing those who fell in love with Trump as soon as he threw his hot comb in the race.

Even before the circus hit the town, and the debates began, the Trump hard core had solidified behind el Jefe.

Now that the original field— the Magnificent 17— has thinned down to two leading contenders for the title idiot-in-chief, I am using the term in the serious sense.

I don’t have the space for a litany of all the idiocies so far. I will keep it simple so any idiot can understand the race.

Idiot #1 wants to build a wall across the Mexican border. That’s stupid.

If Senor Trump believed in facts, and looking things up, he would know that the flow of Mexicans across the border is continually decreasing. Mexicans are beginning to have second thoughts about living in a country in which Donald Trump could be a serious candidate.

If El Donald still needed a bold foreign policy initiative he should have been advocating a wall built at the Guatemala-Mexican border. Not only is it a shorter distance, but all the so-called Mexican rapists are actually Guatemalan, Honduran, Nicaraguan, San Salvadorian rapists.

And now that the President of Mexico is refusing to pay for the wall, as Donald suggested, leaving us on the brink of another Mexican-American War of 1847, how will DJT actually pay for the wall? Out of his own pocket?

He could also follow the Tom Sawyer Principle. As students of high finance may recall, Tom got others to pay a quarter each to do his job of whitewashing the family fence. A gifted dealmaker like Trump should have no problem convincing the undocumented to build the wall before deporting them.

Idiot #2 wants to institute patrols in the streets of Muslim neighborhoods to make sure those folks’ noses are clean, ignoring in our free country people of all religions are free to live in any neighborhood that the banks haven’t redlined. This isn’t Poland, Ted, or any of the other countries that have ghettos.

Idiot #3 are the right-wing polls giving the statistical impression one of the idiots is the sure thing to win the Republican nomination and the election. They must be polling rural districts of Idaho.

If we assume the polls are right, Idiot #1 has 41% or so of the vote in his pocket, even before he opens up his mouth. As he views it, this is tantamount to an election by acclamation. The actual vote will be just so much lagniappe.

Do the math, he seems to be saying.

It reminds me of the old Ma and Pa Kettle movies (1947-55). Ma Kettle would ask Pa Kettle the answer to multiplying 13x7.

“20,” Pa Kettle says proudly.
“How did you come to that?” Ma Kettle asks.
“Well, you take 13 and add 7. Any fool knows you get 20.” (Not 91).

The Idiot Party will win the election using the Pa Kettle School of higher mathematics. Some of us old farts still think 50 or more wins.

As the race for idiot-in-chief nears the finish line, some of us cling to the hope that a William Jennings Bryan –like figure will emerge in Cleveland this summer, and deliver the equivalent of the Free Silver speech: “We will not be Cruzified on a cross of tacky fake Trump gold leaf,” or whatever, stampeding the convention away from the two idiots.

And there is always the possibility of a Kasich Miracle. All he has to do is win New York, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Delaware and all the other remaining primaries. Not to mention fending off all the Trump thugs on the convention floor who won’t take “no” for an answer.

The best hope for saving the party is the emergence of some fat, ugly, bitch, as Donald would call the savior, a Delilah who would cut off our Samson’s hair.

I tell you, if the GOP is going to nominate either of these two idiots, in the words of Clint Eastwood, the Democrats are saying, “Go ahead. Make my day.”

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Marvin Kitman
March 28, 2016

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789”, HarperCollins, and in paperback, Grove Press, available at Amazon and quality book-sellers.