The Mouth That Roared

No Time for Trump.

No Time for Trump (despite being the big favorite).

Time magazine named Angela Merkel Man of the Year 2015.

Talk about your media bias!

Angela Merkel? Are they serious? Where has this left looney journal of opinion been in 2015 anyway?

My nominee for the man of the year—perhaps premature to say, the century— whatever metric they use, is the world’s leading owner of golf courses, tacky buildings on the West Side and failing businesses with his leased name turned presidential candidate, the man who has even nicer hair than Frau Merkel.

I am speaking, of course, about Donald J. Trump.

If the far left progressive lying rag was being objective they would have been saying, “We have seen the future of presidential politics and its name is Donald Trump.”

All he has been doing since June is changing the nature of political discourse in the greatest democracy ever created by God or founding fathers.

No longer will future presidential candidates spend the four years between elections memorizing position papers on fixing the problems that will make the country great again, but they will be assembling arsenals of insults, put downs, and wild and crazy proposals, following the Big Mouth of the Republican Party’s Leadership model.

Now I realize some people think of him as a putz, an honorific he has bestowed on the Secretary of State Kerry.

But he is America’s putz, the champion of angry white lower class under-educated men who some pundits may also consider putzim. Why else would they be so enthusiastic about every word that comes out of his big mouth even if it’s a lie?

His modest proposals are not like those of 2012 provocateur Newt Gingrich’s plan to colonize the moon. I mean, building a wall across the southern border? That took cojones. Banning 1.4 billion Muslims from entering the country, even temporarily? What transcendental chutzpah! The most misogynist, xenophobic, racist presidential candidate, my man of the year’s words seem to be laser-fired, hitting the bull’s eye in the hidden hearts of darkness in the breast of America.

Space limitations prevent me from listing all his achievements as the most offal businessman running for office since Warren Harding in 1920. I will limit my remarks to the secret of his success.

He has become the titular leader of the pack of furshlugginers running for the GOP presidential nomination not only by the use of hands and making faces not seen since newsreels of Mussolini explaining why Italy needed to annex Ethiopia. He is blessed with an acute case of oratory dysfunctionalism, called premature articulation.

It’s the condition that makes a person talk too soon, before what he’s going to say runs through the brain, or in Trump’s case, what passes for his brain hidden in his hair.

Trump’s hair reportedly bit a reporter who asked an unfair question, but I have not been able to verify the fact.

Premature articulation, scientists will tell you, by passes the traditional internal dialogue, which in the case of Trump talking to himself might rival Plato‘s dialogue or Socrates before taking the cup of hemlock. This explains some of the candidate’s most insane beloved ideas.

Here is how it all goes down:

Hypothetically, say the presidential candidate looking out at the faces of all his angry white men in a southern primary state suddenly decides to say the KKK is not that bad. “Honestly, I don’t approve of what they did. But they had a lot of nice people. Some doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, police chiefs, responsible folks. It had a bad press. And with all those sheets they were good for white sales.”

The second part of the blueprint is that his pro-KKK revival rant would then be transmitted instantaneously by cable network news into homes and minds across the nation.

There is no pill for treating premature articulation. Trumpismo is a contagious disease, spread by the media.

Whatever egregious words, whatever the absolute lunacy, come out of Trump’s mouth, people will say it must be true. Why else is it on TV?

The antidote is for news managers to boldly go where no VP of news has gone before. They need to step up and say they are mad as hell and are not going to contribute to this insanity. Such a heroic figure, of course, would be fired. The grounds: he doesn’t get it! He’s not relevant.

Thanks to the media, Trump has become the ebola of American politics.

What we have today in the way of mass communication is what Samuel F.B. Morse must have had in mind when his first message sent across his telegraph wires in 1847 said:
What hath God wrought? It was even scarier in Morse code.

While I am handing out laurels to my man of the year, Trump in 2016 is either the end of the road for democracy as we know it, or the start of an even higher form of non-intelligence. Otherwise known as the pits.

Either way, it won’t be pretty, not exactly what the Floundering Fathers had in mind with that first amendment. But what did they know anyway?


Marvin Kitman
Jan. 1, 2016

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789”, HarperCollins, and in paperback, Grove Press, available at Amazon and quality book-sellers.