The GOP Convention Day Three: How Melania Is in the Mainstream of the Republican Party

Trump-Pence Clown Car 2016

As I was saying before I interrupted myself last week, the 2016 Republican convention was the most hysterical, I mean historical (computer error), and most important race for the office of POTUS since the Whig Party convention of 1854. To the dismay of my progressive friends and readers, I have been keeping, and sharing, a journal about the event, inspired by Daniel Defoe’s “A Journal of the Plague Year.” The four days in Cleveland earlier this month also may turn out to be the defining moment in the decline and fall of the American Empire. As your Herodotus, I continue my eyewitness account with the seminal last two days you may have missed of the other Mistake by the Lake, a term that emerged after the Cuyahoga River caught fire. I can hardly wait to hear what I have to say.


There was a rumor that Melania, who some people still think is the name of a nation somewhere in Asia, would be delivering a revised version of her Opening Day remarks, correcting the record as members of Congress amend their speeches in the Congressional Record. Despite her ability to wear stiletto heels, she has been portrayed in the media as wearing the family dunce cap. In the American tradition of giving a second chance, convention managers would be letting poor misunderstood Melania do a new short speech, all her own this time. It begins, my usually reliably informed source explained, “ Four score and seven years ago…”

Well, it didn’t happen. (*)

It was an evening of other surprises for me as the designated viewer.

Every time I woke up, it seemed, there was another member of the Trump Nation speaking well of their founding father. He was being hailed as the greatest thing to happen to western civilization since the invention of sliced bread.

Actually, not that much of a surprise. Given the dearth of party leaders who went a-fishin’, as the saying goes in politics, the Family Trump came to the aid of their party with a series of electrifying, chest- thumping speeches on behalf of their favorite father.

The Fab Four or Five – I may have missed Barron’s endorsement speech-- all spoke well of the GOP’s candidate. Despite his lack of experience in politics, all agreed he was ready to make America great again. It didn’t matter America was already the greatest nation in the world. He would make America great again, as it was put in typical Trump double-speak.

I tell you the family on Day Three was HUUUUGE

An exit poll of the Trump Delegation, according to my scorecard:

For Trump 11… Abstention 2 (ex-wives) …For Obama 1 (Melania).

The convention made the Trumps the nation’s second most famous family in Republican households, next to the “Duck Dynasty” group. The assorted Tumps could become a dynasty, like the Adams family. Not “The Addams Family” of TV fame (1964-6) but John and John Quincy.

Missing in all the formal family TV portraits --the real purpose of this exercise in redundancy, it may have seemed to a just awaken viewer-- was the plastic surgeon and the lip guy with the syringe, without whom none of this would have been possible.

The other surprise of the evening was Ted Cruz’s speech. He did not fall on his sword, as the audience hoped. Speaking for 23 minutes, only 13 minutes over the allotted 10, Trustworthy Ted neglected to endorse the candidate. He probably ran out of time. But he did suggest all concerned should vote their “conscience.” Such is the power of the word, the conscientious in the Quicken Loan arena exercised their constitutional right to boo him off the stage. At least they didn’t chant “LOCK HIM UP.” With or without Hillary?

And then there was the debut of Mike Pence for Vice President.

It should come as no surprise that Mike Pence was not my first choice. Actually, he was 19th, behind Wolf Blitzer who always seems to be more qualified than politicians, always knowledgeable about any foreign or domestic situation on TV.

But to be fair, I didn’t turn off the TV set and go to bed.

Like most Americans outside of Indiana, I could not pick Mike Pence out of a police line-up. “So that’s what a ‘Mike Pence’ looks like,” my notes read.

“The Don & Mike Show”-- as the campaign may segue into, aiming at its lowest common denominator voters who get all their political information from TV-- began with the traditional showing of the family.

Mike Pence only has one wife to give to his country

On stage, they looked like Mr. & Ms. Grant Wood, with only three Woodies in their family delegation.

Then Mister Vice President delivered his acceptance speech. I remember him saying there were three things everybody should know about Mike Pence:

He is a Christian, a Conservative… I forget the third one. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I must say, though, Mike, if I can be informal, is not a charismatic figure. Actually, he is minus on the charisma scale. But that is no problem for Don Trump, who is off the wall on charisma. It will be a balanced ticket.

I can understand why Mike is so thrilled to have been picked by Trump out of the bushel of wannabees. It gives him an excuse to get out of Indiana and spend more time in New York City.

Believe me, you will never be able to pick Mike out of the throngs of tourists who have taken over our sidewalks, forcing natives to walk in the streets. Mike will be one of those hayseeds on Fifth Avenue, gawking at what Don the Super Realtor You Can Trust did, tearing down the beautiful Bonwit Teller building, despite his pledge to save it, giving us in its place the glittering monstrosity known as Trump Tower.

But the biggest surprise of all on Day Three was the emergence of the new improved Republican Party as the law and order party under Don Trump.

Actually, this shouldn’t have been a surprise, either. Since Don has become the Captain of the ship, the Republican Party has been pro-active on plagirization. There is the “Making America Great Again,” borrowed from Ronald Reagan’s 1980 playbook. Then “America First,” the slogan of isolationist and pro-Nazi groups pre- Pearl Harbor. And now homage to the Law & Order motif of the Nixon campaign of 1968.

Law and order traditionally have been two of the party’s favorite programs, along with oppressing the poor and supporting the rich. The risk today is it may remind voters of Richard (I’m No Crook) Nixon, who resigned the presidency under a cloud of a few constitutional abuses and character issues.

You have to give Don credit for his guts in bringing up law & order, given his sordid past record, a so-called rich billionaire with three bankruptcies and nine failed businesses. According to a New York Times definitive study, Don now has 1, 213 lawsuits pending in courts.

Between his needing to round up the 11 million undocumented, giving depositions and appearing in court, if elected, the poster boy for Law & Order may be as busy as an octopus having lunch on a school of anchovies in his first four years in office

(*) The usually reliably informed source has been demoted to an unreliably informed source.

NEXT: Day Four


Marvin Kitman
July 27, 2016

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789”, HarperCollins, and in paperback, Grove Press, available at Amazon and quality book-sellers.