The GOP Convention Day Two: A Night to Remember

Trump on stage at the RNC
Quote of the Day
“I am a strong, proud black woman.” —Melania Trump

As a public service, and as a convention junkie, I have been keeping a diary of the 2016 Republican convention, inspired by Daniel Defoe’s “A Journal of the Plague Year.” For nights, I have been selflessly serving as a piñata, taking the hits of Republican oratory, for my friends and colleagues who did not have the masochistic genes allowing them to join the multitudes who watched in person the political show of shows, the coronation of Emperor Donald the First.

DISCLAIMER: I did not watch every minute of it.


What I got out of the evening is that Hillary is not well liked by the Republicans.

The theme of the second day in the well-organized scripted program, on paper, was “ Making America Work.”

I was expecting to hear about some positive initiatives, like Ike’s Interstate Highway System of 1952/6, a job creator and boon to the cement and asphalt-paving complex.

What the Republicans seemed to mean by “work” was giving Hillary the rhetorical beating of her life. Speaker after speaker metaphorically took the gloves off, spitting on their hands, and doing their version of Ralph Kramden: “ POW! Right to the kisser, straight to the moon!”

As I gathered, the Republican’s Alice was the cause, basically, of all the world’s problems, except for glaciers melting. Emperor Donald’s hair spray had already caused the hole in the Ozone, and soon all of us will be under water.

She is especially culpable for the war in the Middle East.

Instead of pinning the tail of the donkey on their own dearly beloved Bush Two and his gang of warmongers, who in 2003 started what could become another 100 Years War –if we are lucky enough and it ends in such a short time — it is now Hillary’s War. And she’s welcome to it.

For those sick of the politics of theyaculpa, xenophobia, hate, lying and playing loosey goosey with the facts, the second day of the convention was high on the emetic scale. It should have been preceded by a parental warning: the following program may be harmful to physical and mental health. Ask your doctor or a parental if you are healthy enough to watch such drivel.

The highlight of Day One, as previously reported, was the performance of Rudy Giuliani, playing the role of America’s Lunatic, who poured vitriol on the fire throwing War Criminal Hillary’s career as secretary of state on his auto da fe. Seeing and hearing him shouting and screaming brought back fond memories of the Hero of 9/11 who actually spent eight hours after the attack that day buried in a bunker at the bottom of WTC, while his deputy mayor Washington ran the city.

In future conventions, the RNC should be required to make speakers pass urine or saliva tests to see who is on steroids or other substances that make them go crazy in front of cameras.

The designated agitator on Day Two was the model of rectitude and contemplative nature, the distinguished governor of New Jersey.

Instead of repeating his classic appearance delivering the keynote address in the 2012 convention– in which he mentioned poor Mitt Romney’s name in the last sentence – Chris Christie decided to play a TV game. His conceit was to conduct a trial on TV, a political version of “Judge Judy.” The person he put on trial was –let me check my notes here – Hillary.

In all due modesty, His Corpulence reminded the audience that he was a former Federal prosecutor, thus qualified to conduct a public trial for a list of crimes including losing Libya. Not only would he be the prosecutor, but the judge of the tribunal and drafter of a jury her peers, the 1,524 or so delegates who happened to be on the premises. After listening to Judge Christie’s presentation of the evidentiary evidence- -a mix of facts, semi- facts, no facts or outright lies — they would be asked to rule on two questions – “guilty” or “not guilty.”

Our boy, who is looking more and more like a commercial for “Weight Watchers,” was masterful orchestrating and conducting the call-in-and- answer show.

The verdicts poured in “ guilty…guilty…guilty.”, enhanced by fair- minded law and order fans of the jury chanting “lock her up,” lock her up “ “lock her up.” It was as if the judge had handed the jurors flaming torches and they were ready to take to the streets with a battering ram to settle things once and for all with Hillary at her castle in Chautauqua or Chappaqua, wherever she was hiding out

I tell you we are definitely talking about William Jennings Bryan here. Forget “Ask not what your country can do for you …” Forget “A day that will live in infamy….” Lock her up… lock her up” was a Cleveland Moment that will live in the annals of jurisprudence

The “Judge Chrissy Show” may have reminded some of Robespierre in the pre-guillotine trials during the French Revolution, but it was a great audition for the Attorney general’s job in the Next President’s cabinet.

All of this was especially surreal, His Enormity portraying himself as a champion of law and order with his being up to his lips in legal sewage back home in Trenton. His best friend and mentor (David Sansom) had just pleaded guilty to Federal bribery charges, three members of his inner circle could be going up the river in the fall, followed by Gov. Wide Load Himself, who may yet be indicted for his role in the GWB scandal. This is what we call, to use the legal term, chutzpah.

The rest of the night consisted of the lulls before the lulls of Day Three.

Speaker Ryan endorsed by not mentioning the name until the last paragraph. Tiffany, who looked like a million bucks in leases, mentioned her father more often, followed by the usual bevy of models, celebrities, captains and even lieutenants of industry.

An oenophile’s dream came true with the speech by Kerry Woolard, general manager of the failing Trump Winery, on why she liked her boss. I’ll drink to whatever she said. 'Kimberlin Brown –she’s famous for having played the villainous (boo, hiss) Sheila Carter on the soap opera “The Young and Restless,” justifiably killed off in the 1990's — before she turned to a life of a California avocado grower.

It was the pits.

Whoever picked this cast of thousands for Day Two should be locked up.

NEXT: Episode Three and Four of the political soap opera “ As the Worm Turns.”


Marvin Kitman
July 22, 2016

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789”, HarperCollins, and in paperback, Grove Press, available at Amazon and quality book-sellers.