The Jerk Weiner Affair

James Comey - Caricature

Mike Pence has called for all Republicans to come back to the party.

The Indiana governor is the boy scout on the ticket to balance our hooligan presidential candidate who is first in French kissing and groping women he finds attractive; a leader in telling lies, as many as 60 in a typical stump speech; a man who is as honest as any real estate developer who seems to pay no federal taxes and won’t tell us how he has managed to go bankrupt four times, have nine failing business with his name to his credit, and still wants us to believe he can make American great again because he knows how to make deals?

As a Registered Republican, of course, I was all ears about the governor’s call to arms.

The evidence cited for returning to the tent for its victory march was the unusual intervention of FBI Director Jim Comey in the political process last Friday (Oct. 28, 2016). Apparently, the G-Men had discovered a trove of Hillary emails on the computer disgraced Anthony Weiner shared with his estranged wife, Huma Abedin. The 600,000 or so hadn’t been looked at yet, but there could be something.

It sounded like a tempest in a teapot, but that was no reason not to call the discovery to the attention of Congress and the world. In a letter filled with vague innuendo, the proper authorities in Congress were told to hold everything. The improper authorities—-the Trump smoothly operating campaign machine —quickly made it a reason to lie about crooked Hillary being indicted by the FBI. The 61st lie of the day, widely broadcast on Trump’s cable network chorus!

Poll numbers for our dishonest, lying, disgusting candidate immediately began climbing over the opposition party’s dishonest, lying, horrible, hated crooked Hillary’s. Doubting Thomases and Hamlets still walking the barricades at night, wrestling with the decision about which disreputable candidate deserved to be the next POTUS, had crossed the Rubicon, if I can mix my metaphors here. (And why not; it’s my e-column).

Despite the lack of evidence or facts –either of which in 2016 is proof the media is corrupt and rigged— our paragon of truth, justice, and the American way of exaggerating has been explaining by word of mouth or hands the FBI preliminary report is more reason his unworthy opponent should be locked up or impeached, even before the rigged votes are counted.

I tell you, all of this is food for thought –and indigestion.

What might the G-men ultimately find in Weiner’s trove? More pictures of the former Congressman in his jockey shorts?

And why was top gangbuster Comey using a press conference to let us know of vague unexamined results of their investigation? Didn’t he trust the USPS to get his letter to Congress before Election Day, implied negative commentary on a sister federal bureaucracy?

These were the times that try men’s souls, as Tom Paine said of an earlier revolution, and Comey was no sunshine patriot. He argued for full transparency.

Not even J. Edgar Hoover would do anything so silly as Jim Comey butting in like this.

J. Edgar had his faults. He was obsessed with finding Reds under everybody’s bed; of sending out agents dressed in disguises of three-button suits and black hats to infiltrate open hippie meetings, collecting license plate numbers, and keeping files on all suspected subversives, including myself. It was said the FBI’s voluminous files were filled with information, some of which is true.

Director Comey’s action, he argued, was in the interest of full transparency. As if Congress had nothing else on its mind but seeing pictures of Weiner the flasher, such as getting re-elected. Comey must think the world revolves around him. What an ego!

In the interests of transparency, I wish the Russian hackers, who already have voted for Trump, possibly often, would release next Comey’s private emails. Folks might want to see Mrs. C’s emergency text, asking hubby not to forget to bring home extra cold cuts and a six pack or two of brewskis for the big Redskins game tonight.

Could there be personal gain that inspired Jim Comey’s unorthodox intervention in the election? Should jerk Weiner’s emails be instrumental in Trump coming from behind to win the game on Tuesday, there is always payback. The Scalia seat on the Court is still vacant. Comey would have to beat out Rudy Giuliani for the so-called Italian Seat. Rudy is Italian, while Comey may be Swedish, the same origin Trump claimed in his campaign biography.

I have a number of friends dedicated to voting for their favorite dishonest, lying, crooked Hillary who haven’t been unable to sleep at night all week since the Weiner Affair grenade Comey has thrown.

That’s nothing! Wait until Pence plays his Trump card, calling to the faithful:

“Let’s win one for the groper.”

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Marvin Kitman
Nov. 3, 2016

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789”, HarperCollins, and in paperback, Grove Press, available at Amazon and quality book-sellers. His other books include “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman, PFC (Ret.). Google them.