In these broadsides, I have been an apologist for my Republican candidate. Nevertheless, every so often in this accounting of the most incredible, zaniest, historical presidential election, which pays homage to Daniel Defoe’s “A Journal of the Plague Year,” I feel the need to pause and reflect on where I might have digressed from my usual fair and unbiased reportage.
Sweetheart, Get Me Rewrite
Only 75 Days to Go
I still can’t believe it.
In a speech that will live in the “Collected Great Speeches of Donald Trump,” bound in sturdy leather, suitable for a life time of re-reading— a slim volume, perhaps, actually it might only be a pamphlet, or paragraph – I was startled to hear the presumptive Next President declaring that he regretted saying things that may have hurt people.
As he explained at a campaign rally in one of the swing states, “Sometimes in the heat of debate and speaking on a multitude of issues, you don’t choose the right words or you say the wrong thing. I have done it.”
“And believe it or not,” he added, “I regret it, particularly where it may have caused personal pain.”
Holy Toledo! Or Akron! This was a head-exploding moment for those who take our man’s word as gospel.
Could this be the same man who has been the most insensitive, offensive, disgusting, nauseating dirt bag in modern political times actually being sensitive about the feelings of those he has offended on the stump?
Could it be that Donald Trump, God’s gift to the hotel and golf course business, the giant of name leasing, the most awesome real estate goniff since the Brooklyn Bridge was sold, numerous times, was actually playing the apology card?
Was this actually Trump talking to his people in Charlotte, N.C. that night (Aug. 18), or an actor playing Trump, doing a fictitious riff on what a reasonable, humane, caring Trump might sound like?
Was this a dramatic change in strategy, a policy evolution, a recalibrating, a pivoting, whatever wonky word we pundits might use. Had somebody slipped something into his water bottle on the rostrum? Or was it only a temporary moment of sanity?
Did this mean —and I shudder to even write these words – that he possibly wasn’t telling the truth about Mexicans, Muslims, women, the physically-challenged and all the others he may have hurt with his rhetoric? John McCain could now go back to being the war hero he deserved to be, until His Hairiness took away his medals.
True, he wasn’t very specific about whose feelings he had hurt with his harmful words. Seven days later, there is no record of his having actually apologized to, say, the Gold Star mother whose son had been killed in Iraq.
Still this could be yoooge, the birth of a new, improved, more humane, less totally obnoxious Donald Trump.
It made me feel bad saying all those mean and hurtful things about our candidate. Without meaning to brag, I was the first pundit to call him an idiot. Furthermore, I predicted he would win in the primaries because there are so many idiots out there. Every village had one, or even more. At the polls, they had anointed one of their own as America’s Idiot.
I feel guilty about defaming idiots. It’s an ill-chosen word. To be accurate, I might have called him a moron or an imbecile. Better yet, just mentally challenged. But I know the candidate and his fans are against political correctness.
In the spirit of our candidate’s hitting the apology button, I hereby swear on a stack of Trump’s speeches I will no longer be calling him a racist bigot, the worst kind, an xenophobic, misogynistic, lying hypocrite, a man who lacks character, values, experience and could be the most reckless president in our history, a man who has delusions of grandeur thinking he is worthy of sitting in the same chair as Ronald Reagan, Dick Nixon, or even Warren Harding.
The only thing I won’t forgive him for is being one of those “poor pathetic people (pundits)” trying to figure him out. As he said, “They can’t. These people (pundits) are the lowest form of life, I’m telling you. Believe me, they are the lowest form of humanity.”
What worries me now: Will he be saying he was only kidding? Don’t we get his sense of humor, as when he was labeling Obama as the founder of ISIS?
Despite all of this turning the other cheek, I guess I still can forget about the cabinet position.
August 26, 2016